Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Mother's Day - Face It or Avoid It

As another Mother's Day approaches and we do not yet have a child placed in our home, hiding from the world is my first reaction. It is not easy facing another holiday celebrating the joys of motherhood when there is no child calling me "Mom" and we are going through yet another round of paperwork with only the hope that we will get our placement later this year. It is impossible to completely avoid Mother's Day, but disengaging from media as much as possible is my goal this year.

I have also began to think of others who struggle with Mother's Day and Father's Day. There are birthparents who have closed or semi-closed adoptions so they do not have personal contact with their children. There are parents who have had a child die. This Mother's Day marks the one year anniversary since the Milroys lost their precious Aurora to cancer. All these parents never forget the child that blessed their lives. Even when birthparents have their parental rights terminated, they grieve the loss of their child. Other people have lost their parents or primary caregivers so these holiday allow the memories to resurface and  wish they had their loved one with them.

At least for me, there is hope the struggle with Mother's Day will come to an end in the relative near future. I pray next year my husband and child will be wishing me "Happy Mother's Day", but I must have faith that we will meet our forever child when the circumstances are just right. Patience is a virtue and my basement should be full of patience after three years of this adoption journey so far. I just have to remind myself that this is a journey; adoption does not end with the placement, it is a lifetime commitment so patience and resourcefulness are ideal skills to be mastered.

So for those who have children and grandchildren to fill your heart - Happy Mother's Day. For those who have mothers, grandmothers and mother-figures to celebrate - Happy Mother's Day.

For those who are waiting for your child (pregnancy, fertility treatment, or adoption), or missing your child or mothers or mother-figure, or for whatever reason find the holiday difficult - may you find peace in your soul and a little quiet time. Do what is necessary to honor the pain you feel without it consuming your life. Happy Sunday.