Saturday, July 21, 2012

Major Milestone Complete!

Our adoption home study is complete! Our caseworker's supervisor signed it yesterday and it was being sent off to the caseworkers of four youth we inquired about in June. These caseworkers have been waiting patiently for our home study which means they think we might be a good match for the youth they represent just based on what our caseworker told them. We are officially in the matching phase of the process. The supervisor stated we were an impressive family based on the home study. With God's strength and grace, may we live up to that expectation for our child even with our shortcomings.

After I hung up the phone with our caseworker, I danced down the hall at work. Who cares if I have to work this weekend, we are a major step closer to parenthood!! Parenthood is very close, just a matter a months, maybe weeks.

One of the last steps we had to do this week was create a photo collage of our life. I included photos of us, my side of the family, Mike's side of the family and our cat. I also included a photo of the designated "local grandparents" who have been very supportive of our adoption process. We love them to pieces. Other photos depict the house, the child's room and activities we enjoy. It went together very quickly and turned out nicely. Due to the extreme personal connections of the photos, I am not going to post the collage.

I do not feel like I am swimming through quicksand any more. It is more of a rope and wood bridge securely anchored at both ends, but swaying in the middle. High in the air, queasy stomach with anxiety, uncertain footing, but knowing the anchors are secure.

Habakkuk 2:3 RSV
"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."

Psalm 39:7 NRS
"And now, O Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."

Daniel 2:21b-23a NIV
"...he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors: You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you..."

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

2-Year Anniversary

Psalm 38:15 NRS
"But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."

July 10
Never thought that date would  mean much to me. Now it marks the day back in 2010 I first called DSHS to inquire about foster-adopt and kinship adoption. Two years later we have become licensed foster parents, been approved once for adoption and have to get approved again. We have been fingerprinted 5 times in that timeframe, granted once was for our international adoption process.

Never thought we would still be waiting to be matched with a child. The gallons of tears, the frustrations, the emails/phone calls/letters that have been exchanged for information, the anger at the system for making children wait longer, for making us wait longer.

Then the bizarre and still dumbfounding decision by the State to force us to go with a private agency to complete our adoption process. Things started moving along pretty well until June 21, last month - we have been stalled since that day. They had us rush our background checks in order to complete our home study, but the home study is still not finished nearly three weeks later.

Since we are in this weird limbo we cannot readily inquire about available children until our new home study is complete. DSHS refuses to place children with us even for respite care though we are licensed foster parents because we are listed as foster-adopt. The Placement Coordinator has called twice in the past six months than realizes whom she called once I answer, "Oh, you are wanting to adopt, never mind." Also, the children have been a sibling group or at the young end of our age range, just turned 5 and only needed emergency placement.

While we wait for our forever child I chose to take a leap this summer, I signed up to work in the nursery during Kid's Camp (Vacation Bible School) this year. This age group is younger than our target adoption age group which is age 8 and older so I won't be wishing my child was there. The past two years I have not participated in child-related activities at church or in the community because they upset my aching heart. I am beginning to miss these activities so it is time to ease back into the community. I use to volunteer in schools, judge science fairs, teach Sunday School and volunteer with children all the time. The adoption process removed my joy and desire of these activities; I prayed it would come back when we finally adopted, but the Lord has put the desire back in my heart before our child arrived.

However long the Lord has us wait for a child, today I feel I will be okay. Some days have been very difficult, some days I have been indifferent. Today I am okay. I like feeling okay. There is peace and contentment in being okay. I would like to keep this contentment as my core even after our child is placed with us. This peace has a calming factor and will be useful once a child is added to our family and our "normal" is turned to chaos until we establish a new "normal".  I need to remember to recenter my soul to find God's peace and contentment so I can be okay.

Habakkuk 2:3 RSV
"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."
Psalm 39:7 NRS
"And now, O Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."