tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27163612123035324532024-03-19T03:25:23.713-07:00Adoption AdventuresThe story of our adoption process as we turn our house into a home of laughter, love and safety for hurting children.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-91491275750485199212016-11-06T22:14:00.001-08:002016-11-06T22:14:16.164-08:00Life Keeps Going2016 has been a busy year. A is a junior and doing well in school this year. We are blessed to have his biological mom, L, living in our town now. They have really built a bond that is beneficial to both of them. It is great to see how my family has embraced L as a family member.<br />
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J & D moved into an apartment with their mom and sister this summer. Reunification is a beautiful thing. These boys were with us for nearly two years and will continue to be part of our lives. We are helping J with driver's education this fall, taking him for his required drives. Fifty hours of driving is required before he can get his license come spring. We celebrate holidays together and see them regularly.<br />
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After thinking we might be a one kid family for awhile, in October we took in another neighbor's son for the long term. AM is adjusting to our crazy clan. We have two goals with AM: (1) help him graduate high school and (2) help heal the relationship with his family.<br />
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Since we keep taking in teens not associated with foster care and the requirements to stay licensed get more stringent each year, we handed in our license. It did not make sense to us for our agency to send a caseworker for north Seattle once a year to inspect the house and interview the family when we were not taking in foster children. It is a waste of resources as I see it. We will continue to help local teens as needed by keeping them out of the foster care system and off the streets.<br />
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We officially added another family member to the clan - Hillary got married and we welcomed Johnny as our brother!<br />
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In late October we lost Isabel, our 17.5 year old cat. We got Izzy two weeks after we got married; Mike nursed her back to health the first night we got her because she got stepped on by a child. She gained the name "Rubbermaid Kitty" because she recovered overnight. This year she died in Mike's arms where she felt safe. She will be missed.<br />
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Isabel - the Christmas Village Monster</div>
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With all these changes, I threw in another one - I quit my job after 7.5 years and will begin a new job December 1. It is still fairly local so we will stay in Mason County. We are enjoying our kitchen remodel which took five months instead of six weeks. After five years of no usable kitchen, it is nice to having counters and cabinets. And we got the fridge moved from the dining room to the kitchen! Below are some before and after photos.<br />
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After</div>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-43127569622491350132015-11-08T13:35:00.000-08:002015-11-08T13:35:16.998-08:00Review of "Surviving the Holidays Without a Child - a multimedia guide for those trying to conceive or adopt"When we began our adoption journey in 2009, I discovered a amazing resource, the Creating a Family website: <a href="https://creatingafamily.org/">https://creatingafamily.org</a>, that I still use two years after finalization of our son's adotion. This holiday season, they have created a survival guide for those who are among the childless, but are trying to create their family either through conception or adoption. <i><a href="https://creatingafamily.org/infertility/resources/surviving-holidays/" target="_blank">Surviving the Holidays Without a Child </a>- a multimedia guide for those trying to conceive or adopt</i> addresses many aspects of how the annual holiday season adds stress to the stressful situations of infertility treatments and the adoption process. Input for survival strategies came from studies, experts, and people "in the trenches" - women and men struggling with infertility, going through treatments, and wading through the adoption process. Holiday stress is not limited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. When you want a child, but achieving that goal is elusive, Mother's Day, Halloween, and Easter can be stressful as they are child-centered holidays. Yes, Easter has become a child-centered holiday with cute outfits, photos with the Easter Bunny, and Easter egg hunts. The Survival Guide provides strategies for creating allies, dealing with emotions, limiting physical stress, and minimizing financial stress. <div>
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Page 9 of the Guide is the section about Let Your Family Know. Even if you view your infertility as a very private subject to not be broadcasted, the Guide recommends telling select family members who can become your allies during family gatherings. These allies will know not to ask the dreaded question, "So, when are you having children?" They can also change the subject when the conversation becomes too child-centric or make sure you get to hold the newest baby in the family, if that is what you desire.</div>
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The Survival Guide is easy to use for any family gathering such as family reunions, not just the holidays, Each section has links to blogs, videos, audio files, factsheets, all resources from the Creating a Family website. I did find that clicking on the links did not open a new window, but took my currently open tab to that link. When I clicked the back button on my browser, I was taken back to the beginning of the Survival Guide. It is a easily loadable PDF so scrolling through the 27 pages was not too difficult to get back to where I left off reading. I recommend reading through the entire guide then browsing the links afterwards. The Guide and the links are a very handy tool during the adoption process or the infertility conception/treatment process. You might consider having family members read <i>Surviving the Holidays Without a Child</i> so they better understand why the holidays are difficult for you.<br /><div>
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<span style="font-family: helveticaneueltstd-roman-webfont; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16.64px; text-align: justify;">Creating a Family is the national adoption & infertility education organization. Their mission is to provide support and unbiased information before, during and after adoption or fertility treatment to help create strong families. Check out their </span><a href="https://creatingafamily.org/about-us/core-values-creating-family/" style="font-family: helveticaneueltstd-roman-webfont; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16.64px; padding: 25px 0px 10px; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none; transition: 0.8s ease-in-out;">Five Core Values</a><span style="font-family: helveticaneueltstd-roman-webfont; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16.64px; text-align: justify;"> that they use to guide every decision. They are a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, and you can check out their financials and IRS Form 990 at </span><a href="http://www.guidestar.org/organizations/27-0679437/creating-a-family.aspx" style="font-family: helveticaneueltstd-roman-webfont; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16.64px; padding: 25px 0px 10px; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none; transition: 0.8s ease-in-out;" target="_blank">GuideStar</a><span style="font-family: helveticaneueltstd-roman-webfont; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16.64px; text-align: justify;">. Executive Director is Dawn Davenport, author of <i>The Complete Book of International Adoption </i>(Random House) plus many articles about infertility and adoption. </span>The survival guide was developed with the help of several sponsors: Children's Connection Inc.; Jennifer Fairfax of Family Formation Law Offices; Walling Berg & Debele, PA; Advance Fertility Center of Chicago; Bierly & Rabuck; New Beginnings International Children's and Family Services; and Beacon House Adoption Services, Inc.</div>
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Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-36232857870731001112015-05-13T20:06:00.000-07:002015-05-13T20:06:04.111-07:00Mothers and Open AdoptionWe just passed Mother's Day 2015. Within the adoption world there has been a lot of discussion about how, and if, adoptive mothers should honor the biological/birth/first mothers. Adoptions have varying degrees of openness from very open like our relationship with L and the other maternal relatives of Junior to the completely closed adoptions where some children do not even know they are adopted. This year, my third Mother's Day celebrating my motherhood, I thought a lot about L and of her biological mother. Yes, Junior is second generation adoptee. L's adoption was a typical 1970s adoption - young mother placed baby through a religious organization, most likely few knew she was even pregnant. L knows the geographic location of her birth and approximate age of her biological mother. This is so unlike the relationship she, Junior, and I have which allows for very open and sharing communication. Junior knows his beginning, any questions he may ever have he can ask his bio mom, he knows who he looks like because we have contact and we have photos. L and I have formed a bond beyond friends, beyond sisters- we are both the mother of Junior. Junior knows he has two mothers and two fathers.<br />
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There are strong advocates for open adoption who passionately believe all adoptions should have some form of communication between the biological family and the adoptive family. Then there are some situations where open adoption is not feasible - international adoption or safe haven adoption where child has been abandoned, foster care adoption where it is unsafe to maintain contact with the biological family, or after adoption a biological relative may choose to no longer maintain contact. This is the case of Junior's biological father. After termination of his parental rights, Mr. chose to no longer maintain communication with Junior or with us. He may share DNA with my son and memories, but he has severed the relationship. We were willing to foster a redefined relationship for our son with his biological father as we have with Junior's biological mother. It saddens me that Mr. chose to end communication; maybe, someday we will re-establish communication.<br />
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We are grateful and blessed by the relationship we have with Junior's maternal relatives. As my mother says, "You can never have too many people to love you." Not only has Junior blossomed in this love-filled, open relationship, but so have J and D who joined us last year. As we add children and their biological family to our family, we end up not with a single family tree, but with a network of trees where the roots are connected, each tree depends on the others. Through love, communication, and relationship, we can all become better humans.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-45554776349319252842015-03-05T21:30:00.000-08:002015-03-05T21:30:30.407-08:00Foster Care NormalacyOnce you adopt you get into a routine, a new normal. We achieved that with Junior once he became legally free in 2013. We had school, swim team, church, my work, family dinners, and family trips. Our lives did not have to include visits with caseworkers or guardian ad litums or report submittals or hearings. We could be a family.<br />
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Last September we welcomed two more kids into our family. Six months later we have somewhat of a routine, but it is dependent upon their mother's desires and schedule. We know we have the two boys every weekend. It is up to their mom if they attend church with us or with her. J spends every day after school with us until late evening. I never know during the week if we will have D so we can have two or three kids on any given day.<br />
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All three boys have adjusted to the new birth order - Junior went from an only to the oldest, J went from the oldest to the middle, and D went from the middle to the youngest. They all act like brothers with their teasing, their bickering, their joking, the laughing. This week I have been helping Junior and J figure out their high school classes with the changing regulations - Junior has one set of requirements while J has another set of requirements. They both have dreams of careers after high school. D is looking forward to entering middle school next year. It warms my heart to see our two newest additions be children, enjoy life, and feel safe. I wish we could have them full time so they could always be secure. We will see how their lives play out during the next six months. We are expecting some changes soon, but we will adjust. When arrangements are temporary you adapt as things change. Occasionally there are tears, you pray there are more smiles than frowns.<br />
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Through this all this I know God is walking with us. Protecting the boys and giving us all strength to get through the hard times. The Lord brought Junior into our lives so He could bring J and D into our lives. Three years ago we lost our battle with the state and were forced to sign with a private agency for foster-adopt. Within three years we went from no children to three children! Our cup overfloweth.<br />
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Deuteronomy 28:2 NRS<br />
<i>All these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the Lord you God.</i><br />
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Isaiah 26:4 KJV<br />
<i>Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength.</i><br />
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-63402833464333292762014-12-07T19:52:00.000-08:002014-12-07T19:52:45.475-08:00Merry Christmas 2014 from the Grays!We hope this note finds you well and prayers for those that are struggling.<br />
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This has been a wild ride of a year. We began with Nana's death after 100 years on this earth. Her life was celebrated with generations of family and friends. On the way to my mother's for Nana's service, I rolled the car with Junior and Mike as passengers. Though we walked away from the totaled vehicle, I suffered a concussion, lots of bruising, long term pain, and developed PTSD. The guys had minor bruising and only needed a few chiropractic adjustments; I am looking at 18 months for full recovery. The driver side window shattered when we hit a small tree, the side airbag protected me from the shattered glass. We ended up replacing our 5-passenger Honda with a 7-passenger Ford.<br />
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Passenger Side<br />
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Driver Side</div>
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In March, we welcomed the arrival of my niece, a strong-willed, intelligent baby. She is adorable! I got to cuddle more babies in April when my best friend delivered twins via IVF. It is a blessing to see two women who have struggled with infertility have adorable bundles to cuddle. For spring break, Mike and I took Junior and J to Portland to explore downtown for a few days. We explored the waterfront, Powell's Books, OMSI, Portland State University, and the Oregon Zoo.<br />
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Park in downtown Portland</div>
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Oregon Zoo</div>
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Mike and I celebrated 15 years of marriage with no fanfare. We acknowledged our anniversary, but no special celebration. Where do 15 years go? This fall marked 20 years since we met; yes, we were just kids, but our relationship is still strong with God's grace. Junior began marching with the high school marching band in June at Forest Fest, full rehearsals began in August with competitions and football games throughout the fall. As of December, marching band is complete until June. As soon as school ended, we sent Junior on a plane with the other 8th graders for a whirlwind trip of Williamsburg, Jamestown, and DC. The class had a wonderful time learning more about government and history. A few days after returning, we sent Junior off to my parents' for two weeks. He got to experience a heat wave (105+ temps), went shooting, helped my mom with painting without getting paint all over the floor, swam almost every night, and charmed all the relatives. Then we were off to Crater Lake National Park for several days during the prolonged heat wave plus we got to breathe the smoke from a forest fire in Klamath Falls. The lake was not deep blue, it was pale blue due to the smoky haze.<br />
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Crater Lake</div>
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In September before school began, Junior and I traveled to visit his biological family. It was a great weekend visiting with his relatives and some friends. We spent a day at the water slides and an evening at a state park.<br />
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September brought additions to our family. We became an unofficial Safe Family for our neighbors providing long term, part time care for their kids. We have two boys age 13 (J) and 10 (D) every weekend (nights included) and every day after school. In November we began caring for their 5 year sister (M) one day a week. We do not know how long we may care for these kids, but we love them as ours as long as we care for them. Mike even built the boys a bunk bed. We are learning to parent three kids. The Lord has blessed us with a smooth transition and good kids. Please pray for their family that they could return full time to their parents.<br />
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Bunk beds</div>
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Our family is gaining another member - a brother-in-law. My younger sister got engaged in November! In 2016 we will celebrate their marriage.<br />
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This year Mike has been having fun with his Ural which arrived in June. He has rode around Hood Canal and in Olympia. He participated in a Riders for Health Scavenger Hunt and Camp Out. In December he rode with his aunt in a local Toy Run where 10,000 motorcycles rode to raise toys and money for kids in need for Christmas. Junior and I have each rode as tub monkeys (the side car passenger). Junior is the kid with the cool dad who arrives at band practice in the motorcycle!<br />
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First ride after purchase</div>
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Rest break during Ride for Health Scavenger Hunt</div>
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Aunt T & Mike at Toy Run</div>
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While writing this year's letter, I realized there were no photos of me. I searched our 2014 photo archives and found three from work and few from our vacations. When I was not the photographer, I often was not around for the activity. Between work, shuttling children, and my health, life was too busy to take photos or not appropriate for photos. Besides work, I had several ER visits and medical issues - some related to the car accident, some not related. I am learning to navigate high school requirements for Junior and be an advocate for J and D. </div>
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Me in front of USS Blueback, SS-581 at OMSI</div>
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2015 will have more adventures and surprises waiting for us. May the new year bring blessings to you!</div>
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Peace and Love,</div>
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Jocelyne, Mike, Junior, J, D, and M</div>
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-80204951662105157122014-10-22T22:33:00.000-07:002014-10-22T22:33:41.420-07:00Extra kidsOne of the things about being a foster parent is you are in tune to the troubled lives of other kids. While we have only adopted one son, we currently have two other young men at our house very frequently. Yes, a house full of smelly boys that make the house smell! The kids feel safe and protected at our home, life is stable, more normal. We include the boys on several family outings and at our family dinners. One of the brothers has joined us on vacation.<br />
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For now we are a safe place away from yelling and fights. I keep an eye out for signs of abuse, and have spoken to to CPS about the situation. For now, we are resource for the family which keeps the boys safe. We have one or both boys every weekend. I have grown to love these boys. I will protect them just as I protect my son. I will feed them, clothe them, give them shelter when needed, and always love them.<br />
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I knew one teenage boy ate a lot of food and made his bedroom and bathroom smell. Now with two teen boys and one preteen boy, they all eat a lot and, oh, do the bedroom and bathroom smell!!!! This bathroom is designated the "Boys' Bathroom" and only they use it. Us parents and our guests use the other bathroom. Andy is responsible for cleaning the Boys' Bathroom. The other week, he said he cleaned it, but it still smelled. Mike kept checking it and making Andy go in and clean it until he got all the spots on the toilet, around the toilet, and on the floor cleaned to Dad's specifications. After three or four tries, the bathroom stopped smelling. Andy's response is, "I'm not the one missing the toilet!" We told him it does not matter, he is still responsible for cleaning up the bathroom. It is times like these that I am grateful I do not smell well due to sinus problems. I know a smell is bad when I can smell it! Now that the other two boys are spending every weekend with us, we have begun to assign them some chores. They use the dishes, they create laundry, they make messes, so they might as well help clean up after themselves, take out the trash, and empty the dishwasher. These are all chores Andy does and he would be happy to share, even if just on the weekends.<br />
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-14019747436579655142014-09-30T22:34:00.000-07:002014-09-30T22:34:23.981-07:00Happy SonWhen people find out we adopted a teenager, they always ask if we are having any problems. I admit, teens, in general, adopted or not, struggle through life trying to assert independence and determine identity. Adoption adds more layers to this struggle. I have a well adjusted 14 year old, almost 15 year old. He loves video games and band. He enjoys socializing, dislikes chores, enjoys sleeping in, trips over his own feet, and only listens to mom when I use my "listen to me now" tone of voice. He is messy, does not care what he wears (holes and frayed hems), is loyal to his friends, loves his family, is gentle with cats, is polite to strangers and elders, and treats his best friend like a brother.<br />
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Some teens don't want others to know they are adopted. We were talking the other morning and he says he lets everyone know about his adoption. He is comfortable with who he is and how he fits into our family. He is comfortable with how our family fits with his biological family. At 14, I sure was not comfortable with who I was, though I knew how I fit into my family. He is doing well in school. He is involved in wonderful extracurricular activities, many that he can continue into adulthood. He is self confident including able to give a speech to a few hundred people.<br />
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During the adoption process, we and our son attended counseling to smooth the transition. Also, he met with his Guardian Ad Litum (GAL) who has known him from infancy. The counselors and the GAL all stated our son was resilient and able to adjust to life very well. I pray this ability continues through his teens and adulthood. Resiliency is more than coping, it is the ability to deal with whatever life throws at you; many adults struggle with this skill, my teen possesses it already.<br />
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I have a happy, well-adjusted teenage son. We are blessed to be a family.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-63208422338070958882014-06-03T23:25:00.000-07:002014-06-03T23:25:15.226-07:00Foster Care Open Adoption - Is it possible?I am active in online adoption and foster care forums plus I am beginning to meet more people locally foster care arena. When I share our foster-adopt story, most are amazed at how open our adoption is compared with most foster care adoptions. Yes, we have a rare, extremely open, dynamic relationship with our son's maternal biological family, not just his biological mother. These relatives we treat as extended family members of our own family. They are welcome to visit us, we visit them, we exchanged contact information. Keeping these relationships going is healthy for our son.<br />
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We are also re-establishing Junior's relationship with his biological mother. While there are awkward moments, there are laughs and smiles from all of us. We two moms enjoy embarrassing our 14 year which is easy to do without trying, and he hasn't even started dating! While Mike and I have the privilege of raising Junior, we share video and photos on Facebook so all our "family" can keep up with his happenings. I keep in touch with his biological mother via email and text throughout the month. We provide her with a list of school events and she attends when she can considering we live several hours apart. As Junior matures, he will define and refine his relationship with his biological mother. His relationship with her will be different from his relationship with me, but we all realize he has two mothers, in fact he has several mother figures, women who have raised him through the years prior to him joining our family. They are all important. For Mother's Day we sent off six cards to women who are important to his life - biological and adoptive. For Father's Day we will send off four cards to men who are important to him.<br />
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For his biological family, not all members are genetically related. His mother was adopted so his mother and sister are biological, but all other members are not related by blood. Some are just related by marriages that have since dissolved, but the people are still important to Junior.<br />
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Just as any extended family, our family has expanded to include Junior's maternal family of origin whether they are genetic relatives, adoptive relatives, stepfamily, or just important people. Family is created through love and hard work and lots of prayer.<br />
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For Junior, the open adoption is beneficial. This year he has blossomed as an 8th grader! His grades are decent, he presented to several hundred people at a safety conference with his Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) club, and he learned to play an instrument on a Tuesday then marched in the high school Marching Band on the following Saturday. He is a likable, funny, intelligent, caring, sometimes helpful son. Junior has adjusted well to joining our family and admits his nana (my mother) is zany.<br />
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No, my son does not thank me for adopting him or for providing for him, he is 14 years old. Most teens are not grateful for what is provided until they have to provide for themselves as adults. I am grateful to be his mom and that he still talks; I know many teenage boys who switch to grunting at about age 15. Oh, does the kid talk!<br />
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Yes, open foster care adoptions are possible and can work. No, they are not beneficial for every child being adopting from foster care. The amount of openness can vary tremendously from adoption to adoption. One case may be an exchange of annual letters without photos to PO boxes to a few letters, photos, and visits a year to a very open adoption like ours. The key is to consider the beneficial health, welfare, safety, and development of the child involved. Also, the openness can fluctuate over the years depending on how the child handles the development stages. There may be times that minimal contact is beneficial while other times more openness is better. We are navigating through our first year so we will see how the openness of our adoption will fluctuate as our son progresses through adolescence.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-29397917865383990192014-02-19T21:48:00.000-08:002014-02-19T21:48:20.245-08:00Adoption by Special Needs ParentsThere are many resources, articles and blogs out there for people who want to adopt special needs children. Specials needs range from mild to severe, medical, physical, psychological, and emotional. There is not much out there about parents who have special needs themselves who adopt.<br />
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My health problems make me special needs. I even had a 504 in school (similar to an Individual Education Plan, or IEP). It is due to my health that Mike and I cannot have biological children. My husband has a sleep disorder and an anxiety disorder. During the home study process, we had to discuss with the caseworker how our health might impact the life of a child. We had to get medical clearances from our doctors and our therapist that we were fit (physically, psychologically, and emotionally) to parent.<br />
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The greatest impact would be an anaphylactic episode. Luckily, since Junior has moved in, I have not had an episode requiring a trip to the ER. We have taught Junior what to do in case I need an ambulance and to follow the directions of the dispatcher. I have had allergic reactions to food in the 18 months Junior has lived with us, but I have been able to treat them with medication and not need my Epi-pen or medical aid. Other times, I hurt so bad from a Sjogren's flare I cannot get out of bed. About six months after Junior joined our family, I had three days I stuck in bed and he had to be very quiet when he was home. I wanted to interact with him, but was too ill to get out of bed. Mike had to be full time parent and Junior did really well during those three days. He even came in to check on me after school.<br />
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I know parents out there have taught their children how to respond should a parent have a diabetic, seizure, or heart problem. When children grow up learning these things, it is a way of life. Being brought into a special needs family, the family needs to consider the needs of the adopted child. Is the child capable of dealing with the family's issues while having his/her own needs met? Many adopted children come with emotional and psychological issues that the family should be able to address even if a parent's special need is in a flare or having an episode. I know with my anaphylactic episodes would terrify some children; a child that has gone through a lot of trauma would fear me dying.<br />
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As a special needs parent, I have more than just the needs of the child to consider. I have to consider how my health might impact the child's life or how the child might respond to one of my health episodes. You can parent an adopted child if you are an adult with special needs. I highly recommend speaking with your medical doctor and/or your therapist about how your health would impact the life of a child, how the life of a child would impact your health, what your limitations may be, and what support you may need.<br />
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For us, adopting a preteen/teen with few special needs was a better match than a very young child or a child with severe special needs. We needed a child who could dress himself, could care for self grooming, could fix a snack or simple meal, and could attend school. With our desires, we were matched with Junior. He has been a blessing to our family and adds to our joy.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-2768346878440218532014-01-21T23:09:00.001-08:002014-01-21T23:09:42.153-08:00Guardian Angels<h4 class="ResultTitle" style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 16.666667938232422px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Psalm 5:11 NRSV</span></h4>
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But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, so that those who love your name may exult in you.</div>
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We were surely watched over on Friday, January 17. What should have been a routine drive to my parents' turned into a harrowing experience of tumbling and bruised muscles. Within an hour and a half from my parents' home, I lost control and rolled the car with my husband and son as passengers. I truly remember little leading up to the accident and during the accident. We are grateful there were no other vehicles on the road at the time, grateful we landed down the embankment on the north side and not the river on the south side, grateful we came away with just bruises, scrapes and minor misalignments of the spine. The injuries could have been much worse. Yes, the car was totaled, pretty crunched, but it protected us with its side curtain air bags and seat belts as it was suppose to in its design. I got a long ride in an ambulance and received great care at Yakima Regional Medical & Cardiac Center. After checking out fine at the hospital (internal pain was from all the bruising), I was released several hours later.</div>
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God sent us an angel on earth - a veteran named Kevin. We don't know much about Kevin except he was traveling Highway 12 behind us from Centralia/Chehalis to the Tri-Cities in a red pickup and was the first to stop to help. He helped us climb out of the ditch, flagged down a state trooper so I could get medical attention, then drove Mike and Junior to the hospital to be with me. Kevin, thank you for your assistance.</div>
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The reason for the trip to my parents' was to honor the memory of my recently deceased nana; her memorial service was held last Saturday. It was a beautiful service with wonderful memories of a remarkable woman who saw and experienced a lot in 100 years. We even had a fashion show as some of her descendants wore her clothes, hats and shoes. Nana was buried wearing 3-inch heals! I wrote some words to honor nana and Junior read them for me; he did a marvelous job, not afraid of a crowd! It was fitting he read them as a portion was about her being one of our champions during our adoption journey and how proud she was of her new great-grandson. Below are my words I wrote.</div>
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<b><u>Words for Nana</u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Grandma,
whom my youngest sister comfortably called Nana and the label stuck, was a
great supporter of my dreams. I started writing in elementary school - short
stories, poems, youth devotionals. Nana, who was a prolific reader, encouraged
my writing. One of her gifts when I was in middle school was a book of poems, <u>Sounds
of Feelings</u> written by her friend and contemporary Kathryn Boice. I
devoured the poetry; it helped me continue writing through college, some pieces
were published. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">One of Ms.
Boice's poems from <u>Sounds of Feelings</u> is "An Observation":<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Frustration, Dear, is heaven-sent.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">We'd have no pearls if oysters were content.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">This
little poem described a journey my husband and I would embark on after 13 years
of marriage. We ventured into the world of adoption. Nana became a cheerleader
and prayer warrior during our adoption journey. She watched Mike and I grow up
from two high school kids to mature, responsible adults ready for parenthood. It
was a journey with agonizing waits, frustrating setbacks, and many unknowns.
During our two-year wait for a child, I wrote, a lot. I blogged, I wrote
letters to my future unknown child, I wrote in my journal, I wrote letters to
unknown biological family. I prayed and I felt the prayers of others. Two
particular Bible verses became my life line during the wait - Psalm 130:5 and
Habakkuk 2:3.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Psalm
130:5 New International Version<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">"I
wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his words I put my hope."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Habakkuk
2:3 New International Version<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">"For
the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not
prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not
delay."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">As our
journey reached the 2-year mark for waiting, our prayer warriors prayed harder
and more intensely. Finally, in 2012, we brought home a wonderful young man,
Andrew. When he first met Nana, he was already taller than her - he being 5
foot 4 inches and she 5 feet on a good day. Our wonderful son flourished and
continued to grow, and grow, but that did not stop Nana from telling the world
about her new great-grandson. She often said she had a new little great-grandson,
then correct herself, "he's not so little, really", especially since
he grew six inches in 15 months!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I am glad
she was able to enjoy a year with Andy and rejoice with us when we finalized
his adoption this past summer. He has good memories of this remarkable woman
who loved him, loved me, loved my husband. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Another of
Ms. Boice's poems was the "Artist":<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">The same great God who<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">hurls the planets and the stars, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">paints butterflies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Our
God who created the heavens and paints butterflies now has another angel. She
now has a great view of the birth of new stars and cosmic collisions. Nana, we
love you and miss you. Thank you for being my prayer warrior and helping me
learn patience through a difficult time.</span></span></div>
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With the long wait we had to get Junior, I am struggling with guilt that I could have killed him because I was the driver responsible for the car accident. My greatest fear is losing Junior before I am an old lady. The state entrusted us to raise him, his biological mother entrusted him to our care, we want to raise him to adulthood and watch him mature and have his own family. I am thankful we minor injuries and are healing. I have a scratch on my face that will probably scar, acting as a daily reminder of God's continual protection over our family. It will remind me to praise him daily for each blessing - waking up each morning, breathing, hugging my son, kissing my husband, the ability to work. Just as Psalm 113:9 says, "He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!" Amen! </div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">There are mothers out there unable to hug their children tonight. I have been following the journey of Kristin and Spencer and their daughter Alayna. Precious Alayna joined God's angels early this morning after months of fighting for her life. There are many other children who have lost their battles with various diseases, abnormalities, and injuries. I have been apart of some of these families' lives over the years. I remember their children and empathize with their loss. Other mother's are morning the loss of miscarriages, stillbirths, SIDS, and failed infertility treatments. I, too, know these women, and men, who morn these losses. May their loss be remembered, their pain be acknowledged, and their hearts continue to heal. I pray fervently, I never experience the loss of a child. I would be devastated. It takes a strong soul to recover from the loss of a child.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.333333969116211px;">Each day I will thank God for each day he has given me, each day he has given me with my husband (over 19 years, now), and each day he has given me with my son. With the Lord's strength I will move through the guilt, cherish my life, and look forward to our next adventure as a family.</span></div>
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<b>Psalm 113:1-9 NRSV</b></div>
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<span class="versetext" id="ps113-1" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord; praise the name of the Lord. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-2" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time on and forevermore. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-3" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">From the rising of the sun to its setting the name of the Lord is to be praised. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-4" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The Lord is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens. </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-5" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high, </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-6" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?</span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-7" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> He raises the poor from the dust, and lifts the needy from the ash heap, </span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-8" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.</span><span class="versetext" id="ps113-9" style="display: inline; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!</span></div>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-65905913756776105832013-12-15T19:53:00.000-08:002013-12-15T19:53:02.067-08:00For E<span style="background-color: white;">I am here to support you,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">here to care for you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I wish your sorrows could be wiped away,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">erased as the sunrise deletes the darkness. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">The world may be chaotic right now</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">one day you will find calm, peace.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Remember many people love you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">During times of great pain, your darkest days,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">you just need to reach out to those of us who</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">love you, care for you, and can help you climb</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">out of the dark hole.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Keep dreaming as you have years to dream.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Dance among the butterflies,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">roll across the grass. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Enjoy each moment, treasure the time with</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">the people who support and love you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Remember your beauty, your worth. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">You ARE beautiful. You ARE worthy.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-4609335651381436702013-11-25T20:54:00.000-08:002013-11-25T20:54:10.607-08:00It's been awhileI have not felt like writing for some time. I have not been able to blog, to journal or write letters. My emotions seem to have consumed my words, sapped my ability to express my soul. I feel lost when I do not write, though this is not the first time I have had a word drought; one episode last for years. This latest drought has been caused by a combination of exhaustion, personal conflict, a busy schedule and an attempt to avoid certain emotional issues that have been bothering me.<br />
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Since the adoption in August, school has begun and we have settled into a routine of school, swim, church and busy weekends. Construction season extended into November this year so I was working longer days and some weekends plus the occasional emergency. Every weekend I had something scheduled for two months when I just wanted to catch up on sleep. I envied my teenage son who was able to take afternoon naps after school and sleep in on Saturdays. I remember sleeping like that as a teen. I still enjoy the occasional nap, but the are rare pleasures, or in some cases, rare necessities.<br />
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Mid-November a variety of things were calming down and I was beginning to feel my emotions again, really sense them. Then my nana had a massive stroke, just three weeks after we had joyously and magnanimously celebrated her 100th birthday. She shined at her party and was what every woman dreams of being at 100 - vibrant, beautiful, active, intellectual, gracious. The stroke on November 11 was fatal, just it has not killed her yet; it is sapping her life away, one day at a time. She made enough progress to move from the hospital to the rehabilitation center where she made progress fro three days, just enough to go home. Now she is being cared for by her two dear daughters - my mom and my aunt.<br />
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Intellectually I know she has lived a long, wonderful life and it is time to let her join the angels. My heart is struggling. Some of this is a reminder that we do not know when our time to leave earth will be; we do not have an "expiration date stamped on our rears", in the words of a wonderful friend.<br />
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Also, what does this death do to my son? Our first Christmas together as a family last year started with a funeral for my husband's grandmother. Vera's Alzheimer's was so bad she did not know who we were for the past two or three years, and never knew our son. This year, we are expecting another death this holiday season, this time my son has bonded with his new great grandmother. Oh, my nana loved Junior so much. She loved to tell her friends about her new great grandson! They had a special bond that is only experienced between the very young and the very old - a woman who remembers the first Armistice Day and a child who does not remember life before September 11, 2001. Will my son begin to resent holidays with our family because we the elderly in our family die at Christmas? Do these deaths trigger emotions and memories of his grandfather's cancer and death? He wants to remember great grandma as she was at her 100th birthday; those are good memories to cherish.<br />
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Junior and I have some things in common. We both had grandmothers send us off on our first day of school. He was raised by his grandparents; I was living with mine when I started Kindergarten. Our bonds with our grandmothers is stronger than typical grandparent-grandchild bonds who just visit each other. He still has my parents and Mike's parents to spend many years with plus his biological grandmother, Mike's grandfather, and Papa Willy. Mike has a grandmother still living, but her dementia has her very confused these days. The kid has lots of family to love him, support him, help him grow into a wonderful man. In fact, I have lots of family to love me and support me. We can get through the next few weeks and succeeding months together.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-4683479854242421582013-09-24T23:13:00.001-07:002013-09-24T23:13:37.213-07:00Adoption Stories and the MediaNationwide there have been a variety of news articles about adoptions not ending well. Reuters wrote <a href="http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1" target="_blank">a series</a> about several parents who decided to use the Internet to find new homes of their adopted children they felt they could no longer parent. Other stories have told how adoptive children have been abused, even killed such as the case of <a href="http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2021647079_hanatrialxml.html" target="_blank">Hana Williams</a>. There has been discussion within the adoption community on whether or not adoptive parents are willing to face negative stories about adoption. There was quite the discussion at Creative Family in two blogs and within their comments: <a href="http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoptive-parents-want-to-hear-only-the-positive/" target="_blank">Adoptive Parents Want to Hear Only the Positive</a> and <a href="http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/why-adoptive-parents-tune-out-negative-adoption-stories-1-simple-reason/" target="_blank">Why Adoptive Parents Tune Out Negative Adoption Stories - 1 Simple Reason</a>.<br />
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Media thrives on sensationalism, heart wrenching stories that grab our attention. I live in a small town with few foster parents; people who know people who adopted, the children were infants or toddlers. I wanted my little portion of the world to know that adopting a teenager from foster care could be good for the child and for the parents. I know one of the local newspaper reporters so I contacted her about writing a story about our adoption journey. Natalie came to our home, spoke to the family and took photos. We talked about why we adopted (my health), why we chose older child adoption, about the week we were matched with Junior, and how few teenagers are adopted, or how few you hear about being adopted. It was a very nice article printed on September 19 with two full color photos. Natalie captured the tone I wanted to convey without sensationalism.</div>
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According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Family, and Children's Bureau <a href="http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/cwo08_11.pdf" target="_blank">Child Welfare Outcomes Report 2008-2011 to Congress</a>, less than 11% of foster youth, nationwide, age out of the system. In Washington, there were 1,360 children legally free waiting to be adopted, 24% of them were age 12-18. Of the 1,568 children adopted from foster care in Washington that year, 10% were in the 12-18 age range. In 2011, 407 youth emancipated out of the foster care system in Washington State, many without a connection to a long term family to call their own.</div>
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It was because of these several hundred teens who deserve a permanent tie to a family - people who will celebrate graduations, weddings, birth of children, holidays - people who will be there to support the person during a break up, after a job is lost, after the death of a loved one. No one should go through life alone. I have rejoiced with my family during the good times and relied on them for strength during the bad. We are that rock for our son. If I can encourage just one more family to open their home to another teenager, that is one more life that has a better chance of succeeding, a greater likelihood of being happy, one more life that found permanence. Adoption is not for every teen, but there is long term foster care and guardianship. Any family that is willing to say, "You are our child, you are part of our family regardless of legal standing," will help the young adult to mature into a grounded, more secure human being. That is why I opened our home and our life to a newspaper reporter.</div>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-73153280906517039032013-09-17T22:41:00.001-07:002013-09-17T22:41:23.615-07:00Full Time ParentingWe are definitely into full time parenting. No more caseworkers to report to each month, no more monthly reports to type up, no reports to the court or tracking of every illness and boo-boo our son gets. It is just two parents and a kid - a kid who caught the back-to-school cold and gave it to Dad. While life is not exciting, no longer full of anticipation, it is just day-to-day living and standard parenting a great kid. Yes, Junior is now sick, picked up a cold the second week of school and shared his germs with Dad. I am hoping this Mom does not get it, but my luck I will get the cold just as I need to give two presentations at a conference next week! This week I am gone for two days so I am monitoring his temp. He has not missed school yet, but the cold is progressing and should be peaking soon.<br />
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Thursday is School Picture Day. I have to leave town by 5:30 am, an hour before Junior wakes up. I will check his temp before I leave; if it is okay, I will call him while I am on the road (pulling over to make the call) so he wakes up for school. Next week while I am away for business, I will call each morning to get him up. I made similar calls this past May when I was gone for a week; I was his alarm clock. At night we talked about how school went.<br />
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Tonight, as I prepare for my first day of many over the next two weeks to be away, I am listening to my son cough as he tries to fall asleep. I want to make the cold go away, but at the same time know he is building new antibodies to this virus. Going to go try some home remedies to help him sleep tonight.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-22494719059569415962013-09-03T23:05:00.000-07:002013-09-03T23:05:47.779-07:00We are legal parents!3 years, 1 month, and 13 days was our total time from first phone call made to DCFS to the time we stood in court to finalize the adoption. The first two years of our process was training and paperwork. I am now the proud owner of three 3-inch, 3-ring binders of paperwork. After the mountains of paperwork, the numerous phone calls, miles of emails, buckets of tears, frustrations, endless patience - Junior is now legally ours - forever and ever and ever!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFzQDJGn7T420PdNmOHHS9Fg4Td0Mdoqf0AZbUn3IFzaooVs-Ira8n0jDKJ0bCi8DYuPcORP2WsClyF2Lnpj8ACG2YFXoeLdlGcskEbh_2xQZY1xumHzp4HvfytOtc53Xmr3wizIOgGZs/s1600/P7050035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFzQDJGn7T420PdNmOHHS9Fg4Td0Mdoqf0AZbUn3IFzaooVs-Ira8n0jDKJ0bCi8DYuPcORP2WsClyF2Lnpj8ACG2YFXoeLdlGcskEbh_2xQZY1xumHzp4HvfytOtc53Xmr3wizIOgGZs/s320/P7050035.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Yes, this zany teenager who loves to make faces, poke people, and whistle at all hours of the night, is our wonderful, forever son! Our son who has grown four inches in the twelve months since moving in with us and two shoe sizes. He has changed from a little boy to a young man during this year. We love him for who he is and are helping him to become the man for which God created him. While our son is now legally ours, I will continue to use the name "Junior" in my blog to protect his identity as best I can while posting his photos since this blog is open to the public, available to the world. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwbxnGltD6o4wvy9mm1z25f3HKKfoDZcMLINu6I6a_Gw5ksy0RfoucZ3eHjyJKvxzSoVz_MvwAm5ZHDQ4PB4n5TqY283KPFUf4hsPlSjaPmEe805AqYVUOT3sD_fzf8Sn6x0YNCD9qfXg/s1600/Adoption+Swearing+In-08232013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwbxnGltD6o4wvy9mm1z25f3HKKfoDZcMLINu6I6a_Gw5ksy0RfoucZ3eHjyJKvxzSoVz_MvwAm5ZHDQ4PB4n5TqY283KPFUf4hsPlSjaPmEe805AqYVUOT3sD_fzf8Sn6x0YNCD9qfXg/s320/Adoption+Swearing+In-08232013.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of the proudest moments of our lives - all three of us being sworn in so we could agree to adopt Junior. The lawyer even asked Junior if he agreed to the adoption, even though it was not legally required. We had 15 people in the courtroom as witnesses to this event - family and friends who have supported us along the way. We had one of the largest groups ever to support a family adopting; only those the family wants in the courtroom are permitted. Our lawyer and even the judge were long time family friends. The judge grew up with my parents and with my husband's uncle. Another unique thing about our adoption witnesses, were the presence of Junior's biological mother and sister. It was a very special to have L and Sister celebrating the union of our two families.</div>
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After becoming a legal family, we enjoyed a celebratory breakfast at IHOP. Twelve people joined us for breakfast. Junior enjoyed the attention and the free ice cream sundae the IHOP staff presented him after his meal. Then it was back to my parents for an afternoon nap before a visit to the Benton Franklin County Fair where Junior enjoyed the carnival. </div>
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The next day we celebrated with more friends and family during the pool party and BBQ my parents hosted. Then we were off on a week-long vacation to Northwestern Washington enjoying cool mornings, warm afternoons, and some western Washington rain. Junior enjoyed spending time with my parents (his Nana and Papa D), two of my sisters, and my niece. We spent time with his biological family - Aunt, Great Aunt, Sister, Biological Mother, Grandma, Cousins, Papa W - and many others during the week. Activities included walks along Birch Bay; kayaking, rock climbing, water slides, swimming; visiting relatives; enjoying Peace Arch State Park; school supply shopping; exploring MindPort and Rocket Donuts; enjoying frozen yogurt, ice cream and candy; enjoying fresh caught and home cooked salmon by his cousin; and ending the week with another Adoption Party. This party was for Junior's biological family, childhood church family and longtime friends. He and two of his best friends got to spend time together, the first time in two years the three of them have been together. Junior is blessed to have so many people supporting him in so many places of the globe.</div>
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Now we settle into regular living after parties and celebrations. School begins this week and a new routine will set our life. We still have paperwork to do - new social security card, adding Junior to my insurance, updating medical and dental records with his name change and insurance data, and getting him a passport card so we can take him to/from Canada the next time we are in Blaine or Sumas. We already received the Adoption Decree, but we are waiting for his new birth certificate. An adopted child receives a new birth certificate with their new name that lists the adoptive parents as the parents. We have copies of Junior's original birth certificate which we believe is very important for helping him define who he is as he matures. </div>
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God will continue to guide us as we parent Junior and the Lord will guide Junior as we teach Junior His ways. For the first day of school he will proudly wear the cross presented to him by Grandma S as an adoption gift. He is finding his way to Christ; with love, security and patience, he will find the Ultimate Healer and Forgiver.</div>
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Ephesians 1:5 New Revised Standard</div>
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<i>"He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will..."</i></div>
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We are all adopted by God.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Other scriptures that have gotten us through our journey have been:</div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>Daniel 2:21-23</li>
<li>Exodus 15:2</li>
<li>Habakkuk 2:3</li>
<li>Isaiah 26:4</li>
<li>Proverbs 2</li>
<li>Psalms 9:1, 10, 39:7, 51</li>
<li>Matthew 19:14</li>
<li>Mark 5:3-16</li>
<li>1 Corinthians 13:13</li>
<li>Romans 8:25</li>
</ul>
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Our adoption process:</span><br />
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2010</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2010 - first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">October 2010 - began foster care classes</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">December 2010 - finished foster care classes and began paperwork</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2011</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">January 2011 - began fingerprints and background check process</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2011 - had fingerprints redone</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2011 - fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2011 - background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2011 - a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2011 - second interview with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2011 - counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">September 2011 - licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">December 2011 - adoption home study approved!</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2012</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">January 2012 - try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2012 - forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2012 - begin adoption home study process all over again with Bethany Christian Services</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2012 - begin home study interviews and inspection</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2012 - fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2012 - adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 2012 - we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 18, 2012 - first foster placement - Junior moves in</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">November 2012 - state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2013</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2013 - biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2013 - biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2013 - biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2013 - Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2013 - we sign adoption papers and court date assigned for finalization</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 2013 - state signs adoption papers and sends them to our lawyer</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 23, 2013 - adoption finalized!!!!!!</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 23, 2013 - received adoption decree</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">September 2013 - we live as family</li>
</ul>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-44723732491633353372013-08-16T22:28:00.000-07:002013-08-16T22:29:05.030-07:00Emotions of an Open Adoption<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">I am dealing with a </span><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 14.390625px;">slew</span><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"> of emotions at the moment. Excitement is pulsating through me as I await Junior's adoption finalization, day by day. We have seven days left of this phase of our journey then we begin the rest of our lives. At the same time I acknowledge the bitter sweetness experienced by Junior's biological mother as Mike and I become Junior's legal parents. She is supportive of the adoption and our roles as parents, but there is still that sense of loss for her, the might have been that will never be. She will always be his biological mother, but now I am Mom. Her pain might be similar to the emptiness I have experienced the last few years, touched with a twinge of jealousy as she watches another woman raise her son. She decided to trust us to raise her son when she made her decision to relinquish her parental rights. Relinquishing also gave her the opportunity for an open adoption. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Our adoption is a rather open adoption which is a rarity in a foster care adoption. Typically there is some contact between the foster-adopt family and the biological family, but letters are exchanged through secured PO boxes or emails and visits are once or twice a year. We have an agreement for one exchange of photos a year and four visits, but we expect more contact than that. Even though the adoption has not been finalized, we have maintained contact with his biological mother including some supervised visits. We have open contact with his sister, grandmother, aunts and cousins. It has been beneficial for Junior for us to integrate his biological family into our family - sharing holidays together, spending time together, building memories. He is so excited to have my sisters and parents meet more of his relatives later this month to celebrate his adoption. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">With our great joy of adoption, I am supporting my best friend through in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments. She and her husband have tried for several years now to conceive and this is their first IVF cycle. I have supported her every step of the way - the joy, the disappointment, and the anxiety that comes with each test, each procedure, each step of this very scientific method of creating a baby, hopefully. Now we wait for a positive pregnancy test. We are praying for joyful news when the time comes, but I will be her support should this cycle fail and her dreams are dashed once again. Due to her treatment cycle and doctor appointments and our schedules, she has not met Junior in the year he has been with us. Yes, I want my best friend to meet my son, one of the joys of my life, my sunshine. If the IVF cycle fails, I will hesitate and confirm with her she is ready to meet my sunshine while she mourns her loss as encountering my joy during her sorrow may be too much to deal with, especially since she has a surge of hormones racing through her worn out body magnifying each emotion; I pray this will not be the case. I want her to meet my son in her full joy, knowing she has a little one on the way so we can enjoy motherhood together.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Joy, loss, excitement, sorrow - all swirling around to create our mosaic - Open Adoption. It is one of those many lessons that adoption teaches families, emotions are messy, there are no right or wrong emotions to feel when adopting.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Our adoption process:</span><br />
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2010</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2010 - first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">October 2010 - began foster care classes</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">December 2010 - finished foster care classes and began paperwork</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2011</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">January 2011 - began fingerprints and background check process</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2011 - had fingerprints redone</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2011 - fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2011 - background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2011 - a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2011 - second interview with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2011 - counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">September 2011 - licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">December 2011 - adoption home study approved!</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2012</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">January 2012 - try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2012 - forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2012 - begin adoption home study process all over again with Bethany Christian Services</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2012 - begin home study interviews and inspection</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2012 - fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2012 - adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 2012 - we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 18, 2012 - first foster placement - Junior moves in</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">November 2012 - state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification</li>
</ul>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">2013</u><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2013 - biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2013 - biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2013 - biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2013 - Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2013 - we sign adoption papers and court date assigned for finalization</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 2013 - state signs adoption papers and sends them to our lawyer</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 23, 2013 - adoption finalized!!!!!!</li>
</ul>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-72415537803799528492013-08-05T22:43:00.000-07:002013-08-05T22:43:27.627-07:0017 Days and CountingWe are down to the last 17 days until Junior legally becomes our son. All the paperwork has been signed by us, the state and the lawyer and submitted to the judge. We have to show up to court on August 23 to state we will raise Junior to adulthood and treat him as a part of the family then Judge Spanner will sign our adoption papers. Then we get to celebrate many times over for a week!<br />
<br />
Junior is excited about accepting our last name as his. He is beginning to lay claim to us after a year. The past two weeks we have been painting and redecorating his bedroom, making it reflect his personality and helping him feel he has a permanent place in our home. His room currently has two green walls, the other two walls will become gold and the curtains, shelves and rug are black. The comforter and dresser accents are red. It dawned on me while purchasing the curtains that the green, gold and black are the colors of the Jamaican flag, the country of origin where we began our adoption journey. While we did not complete our Jamaican journey, God led us down the foster-adopt path which I was trying to avoid with all my might, but I finally handed our journey to Him. It has been a roller coaster ride for three years and a great lesson in patience. I was needing to learn patience so the Lord made sure I got a 3-year lesson.<br />
<br />
Our journey has, also, been a lesson in acceptance. I have had to learn to accept Junior's biological family and the contact we have established for Junior's sake. Our family has grown to include his biological family, not just his biological parents, but his sister, his grandmother, his aunts, his cousins, and other extended family plus family friends that have been integral in his life.<br />
<br />
The Lord has truly blessed us by bringing our families together last August. In 17 days, we will legally be a family through an amazing 13 year old. A 13 year old who leaves his socks all over the place; who has to be reminded to do his chore list; who cannot remember to do homework from the time he leaves school to the time he arrives home 30 minutes later; who wears clean, wrinkled clothes out of the clean laundry basket instead of putting his clothes away. A 13 year old who does not wear a coat when it is freezing out; who goes barefoot just about everywhere year round. A 13 year old who is helpful, caring and fun loving. We were matched with our God-chosen child after many, many prayers.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-1312869925053026302013-06-12T22:36:00.000-07:002013-06-12T22:36:18.602-07:00Preparing for Finalization and Family ForeverThis month we have been preparing for finalization now that Junior is legally free for adoption. There have been lots of emails and phone calls between us, DCFS, the adoption agency and our adoption lawyer. We waited three weeks, but finally received our adoption paperwork that needed to be filled out and signed. The packet also included all of Junior's disclosure documentation; nothing really new, it just filled in some details. Thursday (tomorrow) I will mail the completed packet back to the adoption caseworker at DCFS and Adoption Support Services has about three weeks to process the paperwork. Once DCFS completes their processing, they forward certified copies to our lawyer for processing so we can get a court date for finalization. Typically 6 to 8 weeks from now we could finalize the adoption. During review of the disclosure documents I did find a clerical error in the termination order for the biological father so we are waiting for the Assistant Attorney General's reply - does the order need to be refiled with the error corrected and if so, how long will it take to get this processed.<br />
<br />
In regards to bio mother, we are in a type of limbo now that her rights are relinquished and the adoption is not finalized. Oftentimes, DCFS will highly encourage the prospective adoptive families not to have contact with the biological parents until after finalization. In Junior's case, they have left it up to our discretion - contact is what is in Junior's best interest. I am currently in contact with bio mother on an occasional basis. We did arrange a supervised visit to her hometown since we were up her direction. It was a good visit for us, Junior and bio mother. She seems to have found peace and I am glad for her and for Junior.<br />
<br />
Our long journey from no children to becoming legal parents is nearly complete. It was a two-year process from my first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents to getting our first placement, but about a year from placement to finalization. It is amazing how our lives have changed in less than one year when Junior entered our routine lives. August 18 will be our one year anniversary as a family. He had me at "Hi" on August 11, 2012, the day we met - two adults wanting to become his new parents and a young man not sure he was ready to leave the only town he ever lived in, but not having much choice in where he got to live. Ten months later, we are a functional, caring family expanded to include his biological family, his former foster family and all the other people who love and care for him. Our village is not just Shelton, we have a support system that extends into eastern Washington, northern Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Ohio, Louisiana, California, Illinois, Texas, Maine, Finland and other places around the globe. Junior has many people praying for him, many people who care about him, many people who mentor him, and many people he calls Family.<br />
<br />
Our adoption process:<br />
<u>2010</u><br /><ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li>July 2010 first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents</li>
<li>October 2010 began foster care classes</li>
<li>December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork</li>
</ul>
<u>2011</u><br /><ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li>January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process</li>
<li>February 2011 had fingerprints redone</li>
<li>March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork</li>
<li>April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires</li>
<li>May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor</li>
<li>June 2011 second interview with licensor</li>
<li>July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation</li>
<li>September 2011 licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study</li>
<li>December 2011 adoption home study approved!</li>
</ul>
<u>2012</u><br /><ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li>January 2012 try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state</li>
<li>February 2012 forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt</li>
<li>March 2012 begin adoption home study process all over again</li>
<li>May 2012 begin home study interviews and inspection</li>
<li>June 2012 fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews</li>
<li>July 2012 adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency</li>
<li>August 10, 2012 we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption</li>
<li>August 18, 2012 first foster placement - Junior moves in</li>
<li>November 2012 state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification</li>
</ul>
<u>2013</u><br /><ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li>March 2013 biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights</li>
<li>April 2013 biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed</li>
<li>May 2013 biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS</li>
<li>June 2013 Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed</li>
</ul>
Through our long, winding journey, I have developed patience, wisdom, and perseverance, experienced moments of peace and joy, learned contentment, had to forgive and ask forgiveness, been taught humility, cried many tears, ranted with frustration and spent hours praying. God has been by my side along this journey and will continue to guide me as we raise Junior to adulthood. Even after all the ink is dry on the adoption paperwork and Junior is legally ours, parenting is a lifelong commitment. As I told Junior the other day, <i>"Even when you grow up and move out of the house, we are still your family. We are your family forever and ever. We will remain family even when we are dead. We are not going anywhere, we will remain family."</i><br />
<br />
Psalm 51:1-13, New Revised Standard<br />
<span class="versetext" id="ps51-1" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">1</span> Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-2" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">2</span> Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-3" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">3</span> For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-4" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">4</span> Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-5" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">5</span> Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-6" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">6</span> You desire truth in the inward being; <a href="" name="a"></a>therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-7" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">7</span> Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-8" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">8</span> Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have crushed rejoice. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-9" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">9</span> Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-10" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">10</span> Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right <a href="" name="b"></a>spirit within me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-11" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">11</span> Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-12" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">12</span> Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing <a href="" name="c"></a>spirit. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span class="versetext" id="ps51-13" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="versenum" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px 3px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">13</span> Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.</span>Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-47445601091590123382013-04-09T21:31:00.000-07:002013-04-09T21:31:39.847-07:00Onward to Finalization!We have been waiting months for today. Today parental rights of the biological father were terminated and the relinquishment for the biological mother will be filed some time this week, maybe even as late as next week; Junior will become legally free very soon. His reaction was, "Now I can do whatever I want!" "Um, no. It means you legally have no parents for the time being, the state is your complete guardian until the adoption."<br />
<br />
I have contacted our lawyer who will be filing our paperwork for the finalization. The lawyer then has to request the adoption paperwork from our adoption private agency (home study, post placement report and other documentation). DCFS will transfer Junior's case from foster care to adoption within three days of him becoming legally free. DCFS still needs to draft the Open Adoption Agreement that biological mother and us verbally agreed upon during a meeting then we all need to review it before signing. Depending on how quickly all this paperwork goes, we could have adoption day in 2 to 3 months. Oftentimes, when families get to this point, they still need to complete the adoption home study, but we had that completed prior to meeting Junior. When you have to complete your adoption home study, it is 4-6 months from termination/relinquishment to finalization; therefore, it will be 2-3 months for us from termination/relinquishment to finalization. We have waited over three years for this finalization.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">
Romans 8:25 NRSV</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">
<em>"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">
<span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Habakkuk 2:3 RSV</span><br style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><em style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end -- it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."</em></div>
<br />
<br />
I am ecstatic about finally being so close to finalizing an adoption. At the same time, I realize Junior's biological mother is voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights and his biological father defaulted in the case so his rights were terminated by the court. While Mike, Junior and I gain so much, Junior still experiences a loss, a permanent severing of legal ties to either biological parent. I am in contact with Junior's biological mother and she is relieved the case is moving forward; she has stated numerous times she knows we will care for Junior and finish raising him with love and encouragement, but I do not know how she is processing the loss she may be feeling. I do not know what emotions Junior's biological father has experienced through this entire process nor do we know if he will continue to have any contact with us, which will be just another loss for Junior of bio father chooses to not have contact.<br />
<br />
Adoption is about loss and gain, healing and forgiving. I am glad we can be the family for Junior as he matures plus we can provide emotional support for his teenage sister. Our family is larger by adding Junior's biological family which is quite large, but we always said it takes a village to raise a child. I continue to pray for all involved in Junior's case.<br />
<br />
Still, my heart is full of joy, there is a dance in my step and I sing praises to the Lord for bringing us this wonderful miracle - our beautiful, 5'6" bouncing boy! Oh, how I love him! When I heard he would be legally free very soon and we are moving into the adoption stage, I shouted and danced for joy! Our wild roller coaster of unknowns is nearly done and we just deal with the wild roller coaster of parenting a teenager, oh my goodness! :)<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Psalm 9:1</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;" /><em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."</em><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px;">Our foster-adopt process:</span><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 14.399999618530273px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li>October 2010 began foster care classes</li>
<li>December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork</li>
<li>January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2011 had fingerprints redone</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2011 second interview with licensor</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">September 2011 licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">December 2011 adoption home study approved!</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">January 2012 try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">February 2012 forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2012 begin adoption home study process all over again</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">May 2012 begin home study interviews and inspection</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">June 2012 fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">July 2012 adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 10, 2012 we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">August 18, 2012 first foster placement - Junior moves in</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">November 2012 state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">March 2013 biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">April 2013 biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment filed</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-6598740765956767362013-03-17T22:43:00.001-07:002024-02-25T21:16:36.159-08:00Infertility and ChoicesI recently met with my best friend whom I have not seen in nearly a year. Between our adoption paperwork last year and her and her husband's infertility testings last year, we both were dealing with a lot. When Mike and I were blessed with Junior later in the year, they backed off even from phone calls as it was difficult to for them to be happy for us while they continued to struggle with their empty arms. We knew this would happen as we had discussed this scenario before we were matched with Junior. Roles would have been reversed had she given birth before we received an adoptive placement. I am still infertile, but we now have a child in our family; adoption does not negate my infertility, it is an alternative for growing our family. They are still infertile and are pursuing IVF in hopes of a child. After spending several hours catching up with my best friend, one thing she said stuck with me, she said that while they have been trying fertility treatments for two years, she and her husband have been trying to conceive for four years and it has taken its emotional toll. This statement got me thinking about her journey and about my journey.<br />
<br />
Mike and I have had years, almost decades, of emotions regarding my fertility and other health issues. I actually found out at age 15 (20 years ago), a year before meeting Mike, that I would not be birthing children. At the time, I readily accepted adoption as my only path to motherhood. I was okay with this decision for years. After we were married for 10 years and were looking at adoption options, I also explored surrogacy, but realized we would have to go through adoption even in this case since we would be using a surrogate with at least donated egg, possibly donated embryo. Regardless of our path to parenthood, our choices were: adoption or childlessness. That does not really seem like options, but thinking more about it, I realize most people do not even think about how they are going to form their family. They have sex, the woman gets pregnant, carries a health baby to term and they raise the child. That is supposed to be the standard, no-thought process. We actually had to think about how we wanted to become parents, so did my best friend and her husband. They discussed fertility treatments and adoption. They already tried IUI and are moving on to IVF. Even with IVF there are a variety of choices which the non-infertile person is not aware even exist. With adoption we have choices of: foster-adopt, domestic infant or international. We started an international adoption process but moved to foster-adopt. Even with foster-adopt, we had to choose a private agency (see <a href="http://jocelynegray.blogspot.com/2012_02_01_archive.html" target="_blank">A Side Step in Our Journey</a> for previous blog post), but our choices were limited due to our location and desired age of child.<br />
<br />
Now there are some choices we did not get to make about our child - name, age and past experiences. For many parents, picking a name for their child before birth is a wonderful thing. Since we were adopting an older child, we knew our child would come with a name; we would work with our child should he/she desires to change his/her name at the time of adoption, but the child would already be named upon arrival. As for age, we only knew our child would be over age 5, then age 8, then we moved it to age 10 and older. And past experiences, we would have no idea until we were matched.<br />
<br />
In ways infertile couples have more choices for family planning than fertile couples, but these choices are thrust upon us because we cannot achieve parenthood in the traditional way. Since we are forced to make various choices on our path to parenthood, it elicits a variety of emotions along the way. A common emotion during these choices is anger - anger due to frustration from having to make the choices, anger at our failed bodies, anger at having to expose our lives including finances to adoption workers or infertility clinic employees, anger due to exhaustion of going through the process(es) we chose, anger at other people's ability to get pregnant or adopt quicker. So often we feel alone when we need the greatest support, we feel we are either forgotten or misunderstood by our loved ones. Our fertile family and friends may not understand our decisions or about infertility so they may avoid us or say very crass things including identifying the cause (blame) of our infertility (see <a href="http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/infertility-fertility-trying-to-conceive-ivf-donor-egg/playing-blame-game-infertility/" target="_blank">Creating A Family Blog: Playing Blame Game Infertility</a>) which only causes us more pain and anger. My best friend and I are open about our infertility and our choices with others - her fertility treatments and me adoption - so we can let other infertile couples know they are not alone; we are not alone. When we started our adoption journey, I did not expect to become so knowledgeable about the various ways to adopt, fertility treatment, surrogacy and everything else related to infertility. I am in no way an expert, but I know way more than I knew existed before we started this journey. With my friend going through IVF I am learning more about the choices she faces. Maybe, some day, by talking openly about our struggles and choices, when the next generation faces infertility, it will not be the shameful, lonely, anger-filled dark place it still remains for many of us. Hopefully each of us dealing with infertility, couples and individuals, can find peace with the decisions we have made along the way.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-83431869161517804722013-01-31T22:24:00.000-08:002013-01-31T22:24:50.832-08:00Foster Parenting Rules: LocksWhen I discuss some of the rules and regulations we have to follow, many are amazed at many of them. Some are set in state regulations while others are up to the individual caseworker. We are required to have a grate around our wood stove insert which is typically required for a child under age 8, Junior is 13 years old. Then we have locks - on everything. Medication is extremely important to lock up for small children and for teens. Young children might think it is candy and older children might try to get high. With my health issues, I have A LOT of medication. Luckily we have a built-in cupboard with two shelves. One shelf is for topical medications and the second shelf is for internal medication.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSgdwWVGHI_AIuxjnuvo4qaIzQ-3KL4MFmpP7JiYJ0HonPTgL4blHlinRYgGP6TdxhBWeElUcywqc7LF1toaFdANLdAfQixGDGM0fx9HOz2lZJ981ceYebOfiXrdm-POh0g75nvefDQ4E/s1600/IMG_0523.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSgdwWVGHI_AIuxjnuvo4qaIzQ-3KL4MFmpP7JiYJ0HonPTgL4blHlinRYgGP6TdxhBWeElUcywqc7LF1toaFdANLdAfQixGDGM0fx9HOz2lZJ981ceYebOfiXrdm-POh0g75nvefDQ4E/s200/IMG_0523.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
This is the combination lock system on our medication cupboard. We also have locks on the cupboards storing our chemicals - cleaning agents, detergents, lighter fluid, pest killers. The think about the laundry detergent is that Junior does his own laundry each week so this gets tricky. Any alcohol we have must be locked up since we have a teen and our workshop with the power tools is required to be locked up. The workshop is an indoor room with a locking door, only us parents have a key.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE8lDAsWld414Nkcla8U0FQWZjPtM_CB5-kZ6TI2RKGEJtV-VLFK2I9hcFJTTpyJeGWt3Pz9Pz_S2BcNCEjOul2N4UOFpJXMFQahTWvRwsLDThW8sbNAnYUAhycAXL05goieVDPa6WRPE/s1600/IMG_0522.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE8lDAsWld414Nkcla8U0FQWZjPtM_CB5-kZ6TI2RKGEJtV-VLFK2I9hcFJTTpyJeGWt3Pz9Pz_S2BcNCEjOul2N4UOFpJXMFQahTWvRwsLDThW8sbNAnYUAhycAXL05goieVDPa6WRPE/s320/IMG_0522.JPG" width="320" /></a>Problem with my medications is I have to carry many of them with me in my purse in case I have a food allergy attack. There are five different medications for food allergies plus ibuprofen and a couple other meds I always travel with. I put a lock on my purse, but it was clumsy and only had one main compartment. Well, I found a new purse that has a dedicated "medication" pocket. I even have a smaller purse inside that pocket that holds just my food allergy medication. Granted, the green lock against the stylish black is not very becoming and actually got a laugh out of Junior when he saw it because he knows I carry my medications. I locked the zipper to the ring for the shoulder strap (which I removed). I thought it was brilliant, it is also a way to secure my purse while traveling.<br />
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With all these locks to protect Junior and to comply with the foster parenting regulations, we must be aware to not lock our hearts. We continue the bonding process and to show our affection for him. With the uncertainty of his case, there have been times that I have wanted to protect my heart should the judge decree we do not get to parent Junior. It is too late to protect my heart and soul, I have given my life for this child, I will shatter should he leave, but I know I will survive.<br />
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While we have locked up our cupboards, our rooms and my purse, our hearts have been splayed open waiting. Waiting to learn where our road leads - continued parenthood or more empty arms. Next Tuesday is a pivotal day in his case. Please pray for all of us involved that the best interest of Junior is considered.<br />
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<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-69423988500649815682013-01-17T21:31:00.000-08:002013-01-17T21:31:19.200-08:00Proud of JuniorJunior has made some major accomplishments this week. He received an award for good behavior in class. He is a good student and typically does not act up in class, but his behavior was recognized in a class where he lacks interest and does not complete class work. We were glad he has improved his attitude, not sure if it will translate into an improved grade. Then in math he completed 60 multiplication problems in 60 seconds. The school principal awarded all students who accomplished this task to lunch off campus. They walked to a local restaurant and the principal bought the kids lunch. Junior really enjoys math and it tends to come easy for him. It is still an honor to be recognized plus he got chicken strips for lunch!<br />
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He has also been doing some emotional growing this week and I am proud of him for being able to to handle the situations that he has faced. Foster children's lives are not your typical childhood and often they have to deal with more complex situations than their peers. While a part of me wishes to protect him, shield him from the complexities and uncertainties of his case, I realize he will have a more mature way of making decisions and an increased ability to deal with his emotions, something typically lacking in teenagers. To help him make sense of his life, we are working on his life book. A scrapbook with photos he has chosen that depict his life through the years and descriptions about who he is and the important people in his life. For the school section we listed the schools he has attended. One page lists his favorites - food, color, song, movie, etc. It has been amazing to observe Junior's emotional development over the last five months. Yes, it has been five months since we became a family and our lives changed forever.<br />
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We progress through his case, with all its uncertainties, waiting for the day when we find out if we get to be his forever parents. Then we incorporate both birth parents into our family along with all the other biological relatives. Our family just grows. We so love Junior!<br />
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The next several weeks are going to be intense in regards to his case, especially if we go to trial and it gets postponed. There is at least one meeting scheduled prior to trial where the open adoption agreement will be presented to the lawyers of each biological parent. Either parent can decide to relinquish parental rights or to go to termination trial. The open adoption agreement goes into affect after the adoption is finalized if one or both parents relinquish parental rights. If we go to trial and both parents' rights are terminated then there is no open adoption agreement, contact with bio parents is whatever we and Junior decide is best for Junior.Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-60908204872734268612013-01-10T23:00:00.001-08:002013-01-17T19:55:21.162-08:00Bang Your Head and ScreamI know most moms have days where they want to bang their heads against a wall and scream because their children have not been so angelic. I have read plenty of Facebook posts about such children of my friends. Luckily, Junior is a very good teen and is not the one making me want to scream. Between stresses at work and frustrations with Junior's case, I want to bang my head against a brick wall!<br />
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We are having problems with background checks for our family members. I recently found out the background checks for my sisters were processed incorrectly so they cannot provide overnight care. Last month, my parents were to be cleared for overnight care, but only got cleared for children placed for adoption, not in foster care. Junior is a foster placement so how does any of this make sense? All background checks now have to be redone, but the state doesn't have the time to process them; luckily, we have a private agency competent enough to process the background checks needed. Currently, we are being expected to pay out of pocket for these background checks then we submit receipts for reimbursement. That is five people who need fingerprints.<br />
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All of this is added to the frustrations at work where I have one out of order copier/scanner and one copier/scanner that is intermittently scanning. I am attempting to scan 500 pages. We are waiting for the arrival of the new machines which are due this month.<br />
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I WANT TO BANG MY HEAD AND SCREAM!!!!!Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-54104759251143648262012-12-15T12:23:00.000-08:002013-01-05T23:51:34.191-08:00December 14, 2012<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 22.999998092651367px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Matthew 19:14 NIV</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 22.999998092651367px;">Jesus said, </span><span class="WordsOfChrist" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 22.999998092651367px;">"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">December 14 has always been a time of celebration in our family - it is my birthday. This year was my 35th birthday. I was not dreading turning 35 nor did we have big plans since this weekend is filled with Christmas parties and the Nutcracker.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few years ago, it marked the Chanukkah Storm here in Western Washington. Now it marks a day of heartbreak in our country, the day twenty families learned their precious children were killed due to violence. Having a child die tends to destroy a parent, but having a child murdered will tear several of these families apart. Many of these people will not be able to face the joy of Christmas ever again, because December will remind them of the tragic loss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A friend stated we cannot help these children who have been welcomed by Christ. We can help children locally, nationally and globally who still suffer from abuse, hunger, poverty, homelessness, and disease through a number of organizations as a way to honor the twenty Newtown, Connecticut children. There are four distinct ways I currently help children - volunteer with the children at church, foster parenting, sponsor a child through Children International and support orphans through Embracing Orphans.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For now, I revel in Junior's laughter which has been quieted due to illness the last few days, but on December 14, he was laughing again making my heart overflow. He whistles and hums which can get annoying, but they are his sounds so I will be forever grateful he makes them. I enjoy the silliness of my 3 year niece who pranced around saying "Ho, ho, ho, Junior is not good" in a deep voice when Junior was sick. This was her answer when asked how he was feeling. Or that she has not been afraid to share her opinion since she could talk. These children are precious and only the Lord knows how long we will have them in our lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May we wrap our prayers around the grieving families in Newtown, Connecticut and hug our own children some more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Helpful Links:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children's International: <a href="https://www.children.org/sponsor-ir-e?rs_id=2">https://www.children.org/sponsor-ir-e?rs_id=2</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Embracing Orphans: <a href="http://www.embracingorphans.org/">http://www.embracingorphans.org</a>/</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For information about fostering and adoption from foster care visit Adopt US Kids:</span><br />
<a href="http://www.adoptuskids.org/for-families/who-can-foster-and-adopt"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.adoptuskids.org/for-families/who-can-foster-and-adopt</span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The United Methodist Church: <a href="http://www.umc.org/">http://www.umc.org/</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shelton United Methodist Church: <a href="http://sheltonumc.net/">http://sheltonumc.net/</a></span><br />
<br />Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2716361212303532453.post-2630072479860987302012-12-02T21:14:00.000-08:002012-12-02T21:14:02.036-08:00Yo Mom<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is difficult oftentimes to get a 13 year old boy to express his feelings or reveal the inner workings of his mind. This past week has been particularly busy plus I have not been feeling well. With multiple meetings at work, Junior's weekly schedule and the start of the holiday season, this weekend was Junior's 13th birthday party - a 2-day event. It began Friday with his school's social which I volunteered at then his first marimba performance downtown for Holiday Magic then a sleepover for his birthday. Saturday morning began early with another marimba performance, baking of his birthday cake and wrapping of presents, enjoying the local Christmas Parade, family dinner and celebration of Junior's birthday. Today was church and I attended a baby shower. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Amongst all this busyness, Junior began introducing me as "Mom", not "Jocelyne, my mom" or "Jocelyne". Sometimes it has been, "Jocelyne, the lady I live with". Friday he introduced me to his friends as "Mom". Then today he caught me my heartstrings by surprise. We had leftover letter candies that I had used for decorating his birthday cake. In blue and green letters, Junior spelled out "YO MOM" against the brown tile of the kitchen counter. Two simple words that expressed so much love and trust and attachment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My greatest Christmas present that I dreamed of for so many years has come to, being Mom. I will treasure this always as every mother treasures the moment of when their child first says "mama". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While this case is not determined yet and it will break my heart to lose Junior should the Judge grant custody to his birth mother, I will have the memory of the first time of being called "Mom".</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Habakkuk 2:3 RSV</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end -- it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."</em><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Psalm 39:7 NRS</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"And now, O Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."</em><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Daniel 2:21b-23a NIV</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><em style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"...he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors; You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you..."</em></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"YO MOM", forever imprinted on my heart!</span></div>
Jocelynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01333997619683412572noreply@blogger.com0