Finding grace

November is National Adoption Month and today is Adoption Sunday. There are stories of so many families created through adoption. During these celebrations, what is not discussed are the years of waiting, the mounds of paperwork and the frustrations each family experiences to bring their precious children home. In the past ten years, the adoption process - domestic and international - has become longer and there is more scrutiny about the potential adoptive parents.

The past three weeks, I have made contact with about four different people at DSHS trying to see if we can move our process along. At this point it looks like we will not be moving our foster-adopt process along any faster. Our adoption caseworker is overloaded and we just have to wait until she can find time to meet with us. Then I have to make a call to the foster care Placement Coordinator later this month to find out if she can found out if she can help us with getting a suitable placement. Being told that these two women are the only two people in the entire state who might be able to help us create our family is, in a way, frustrating and disheartening.

At this point, I have to find the grace to allow DSHS to go through their process even if I think they are moving too slowly. I have to find the grace to deal with the state workers who tell me I must continue to wait patiently for weeks and possibly months. I have to find the grace to find ways to make changes in the foster care system that benefit children while I hear of teens aging out of the system without permanent families.

I pray for grace, patience and forgiveness as we move through our adoption process and wait for our child to come home. As we get closer to the holiday season, it will be harder for me to not lose faith that we will have our precious child in our home come this time next year. I had this wish last year and this will be my wish until we have a child in our home.

Foster Care vs International Adoption

As we slowly trudge through the foster-adopt gazillion step process, I wonder which is going to place a child in our home first - foster-adopt or Jamaican adoption. As slow as international adoption can be - 4+ years - it is beginning to seem like adopting from the US foster care system is just as slow. I am finding it is a multi-year process just to be able to begin looking for a child from foster care. Below is the process we have followed so far for both adoption processes. Many people do not realize the years of work needed that lead up to a match; much of the training, meetings and paperwork are done behind the scenes.


Foster-adopt:

• October 2010 began foster care classes


• December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork


• January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process


• February 2011 had prints redone


• March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork


• April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires


• May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor


• June 2011 second interview with licensor


• July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation


• August 2011 plan to have foster home study completed and have license approved


• September 2011 begin adoption home study which could take more than 6 months

Jamaican Adoption:

• November 2009 contacted home study agency


• December 2009 began paperwork for international adoption


• March 2010 met with home study caseworker, home inspection and began classes


• April 2010 physical exams for home study


• September 2010 home study completed


• October 2010 two copies of home study sent to Jamaica and one sent to USCIS


• January 2011 fingerprints for USCIS taken and processed


• February 2011 approval from USCIS to adopt from Jamaica and home study forwarded to US Embassy in Kingston, Jamaica


• Now we just wait for a match


• Once we get a match, it is 2-3 years before we get to bring the child home

If it seems people are getting through their adoptions quickly, remember they most likely have been working behind the scenes for years. Some families do not announce they are adopting until they have a match so the public process is truncated. No one "just adopts"; you have to consciously decide to adopt, proceed through the grueling process and wait years.

Finding peace and patience with the adoption process is all I can do to keep moving towards the dream of expanding our family.

May Milestones

After the frustruations of April, flowers began to bloom in May. Late April I contacted my state representatives involved in our case. Rep. Finn was most responsive to our case. His staff contacted DSHS HQ who then called me immediately promising a call from the local DSHS office by the end of that week. Well, I never got taht call. I gave the local office until the following Wednesday to call, which they did not. I called the office and the Supervisor did not seem to know I was expecting a call from him, but he did provide me with the phone number of the licensor who would complete our home study. I immediately called Elaine and we set up a time to meet. She would interview Mike one day and me the next. After getting lost on her way to the house, she interviewed Mike May 19. He was not talkative about the questions asked or how he thought the interview went so I entered my interview the next day not know what to expect. Elaine is a wonderful lady who made me comfortable like I was talking to a close friend. Besides the interview, she inspected the house and was impressed with the amount of room we have and the character it has - lots of storage, three floors, nooks for playing and a quiet neighborhood. She has two other home studies before ours, but she planned to have ours done by June 26, no later than July 10. Once our home study is complete, our case will be turned over to a new licensor.

Elaine told us we could contact a child's caseworker before we receive our license approval letter. We just send a child's casework Elaine's information which she will feed them until the report is finalized and complete. I emphasized to Elaine we are interested in adopting from the foster care system. Our license with be for ages 5 to 10 as we have our eye on a child who is currently 8 years old and we do not know who long it will be before she can be placed with our family.

The hope is to have a child by the end of the year. As we may get a child during the school year I will be meeting with the elementary school counselor this month to get ready for a school-aged child in our home. We are now back on track with the foster-adopt.

The Jamaican adoption, we just wait. We might get a match later this year or it might be next year. I did get to meet Mrs. Edie, CEO of the Child Development Agency in Jamaica. My god brother had a fundraiser for Embracing Orphans in Walla Walla and made arrangements for Mrs. Edie and one of her orphans to be speakers at the event. Samantha had the audience in tears telling the story of her abuse and her dreams for the future. I had the opportunity to talk with Mrs. Edie and let her know my husband and I were one of her prospective parents. She asked when our application was submitted and I stated October 2010. Who knows, maybe the meeting will move our case a little faster.

Only God knows from where our child will come and when. I have to take actions to feel proactive and to deal with my anxiety as we wait for a child. While April was frustrating, several milestones occurred in May and June is hopeful as we continue on our adoption journey.......

Ready to Submit!

Finally got all the documents and letters signed and notarized for the Jamaican adoption. I need to make copies of a few items then the assemblies will be complete and ready to mail to Jamaica. Two identical packets will go to Montego Bay and to Kingston. The third packet smaller packet will be sent to US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). I am making sure I have copies or additional originals of everything we are mailing this week. One hurdle nearly completed after 11 months. We began the paperwork in November 2009. Once submitted to Jamaica, we pray for a child referral within 12 months. Once we approve of a referral, it could be 2 to 3 years before we bring the child home.

In the mean time, we begin our Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) parenting classes to become eligible for domestic adoption from the foster care system. in two weeks. Four days of classes mostly applicable to foster parenting. We will have our DSHS homestudy done in November then wait for a referral or look online through the foster kids from various states.

We have no idea from where our child(ren) will come nor the gender nor what they will look like or their temperaments nor do we know if the adoption will be domestic or international or possibly both with the two happening a year or two apart. There are a lot of unknowns for us. We only know: at least one child between the ages of 2 and 8.

Our counselor asks us how the "long pregnancy" is going - as she calls our long time of being expectant parents without a due date. Sometimes it gets to me; other times I am so busy with life I nearly forget we are working through the adoption process.