Preparing for Finalization and Family Forever

This month we have been preparing for finalization now that Junior is legally free for adoption. There have been lots of emails and phone calls between us, DCFS, the adoption agency and our adoption lawyer. We waited three weeks, but finally received our adoption paperwork that needed to be filled out and signed. The packet also included all of Junior's disclosure documentation; nothing really new, it just filled in some details. Thursday (tomorrow) I will mail the completed packet back to the adoption caseworker at DCFS and Adoption Support Services has about three weeks to process the paperwork. Once DCFS completes their processing, they forward certified copies to our lawyer for processing so we can get a court date for finalization. Typically 6 to 8 weeks from now we could finalize the adoption. During review of the disclosure documents I did find a clerical error in the termination order for the biological father so we are waiting for the Assistant Attorney General's reply - does the order need to be refiled with the error corrected and if so, how long will it take to get this processed.

In regards to bio mother, we are in a type of limbo now that her rights are relinquished and the adoption is not finalized. Oftentimes, DCFS will highly encourage the prospective adoptive families not to have contact with the biological parents until after finalization. In Junior's case, they have left it up to our discretion - contact is what is in Junior's best interest. I am currently in contact with bio mother on an occasional basis. We did arrange a supervised visit to her hometown since we were up her direction. It was a good visit for us, Junior and bio mother. She seems to have found peace and I am glad for her and for Junior.

Our long journey from no children to becoming legal parents is nearly complete. It was a two-year process from my first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents to getting our first placement, but about a year from placement to finalization. It is amazing how our lives have changed in less than one year when Junior entered our routine lives. August 18 will be our one year anniversary as a family. He had me at "Hi" on August 11, 2012, the day we met - two adults wanting to become his new parents and a young man not sure he was ready to leave the only town he ever lived in, but not having much choice in where he got to live. Ten months later, we are a functional, caring family expanded to include his biological family, his former foster family and all the other people who love and care for him. Our village is not just Shelton, we have a support system that extends into eastern Washington, northern Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Ohio, Louisiana, California, Illinois, Texas, Maine, Finland and other places around the globe. Junior has many people praying for him, many people who care about him, many people who mentor him, and many people he calls Family.

Our adoption process:
2010

• July 2010 first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents
• October 2010 began foster care classes
• December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork

2011

• January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process
• February 2011 had fingerprints redone
• March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork
• April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires
• May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor
• June 2011 second interview with licensor
• July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation
• September 2011 licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study
• December 2011 adoption home study approved!

2012

• January 2012 try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state
• February 2012 forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt
• March 2012 begin adoption home study process all over again
• May 2012 begin home study interviews and inspection
• June 2012 fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews
• July 2012 adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency
• August 10, 2012 we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption
• August 18, 2012 first foster placement - Junior moves in
• November 2012 state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification

2013

• March 2013 biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights
• April 2013 biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed
• May 2013 biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS
• June 2013 Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed

Through our long, winding journey, I have developed patience, wisdom, and perseverance, experienced moments of peace and joy, learned contentment, had to forgive and ask forgiveness, been taught humility, cried many tears, ranted with frustration and spent hours praying. God has been by my side along this journey and will continue to guide me as we raise Junior to adulthood. Even after all the ink is dry on the adoption paperwork and Junior is legally ours, parenting is a lifelong commitment. As I told Junior the other day, "Even when you grow up and move out of the house, we are still your family. We are your family forever and ever. We will remain family even when we are dead. We are not going anywhere, we will remain family."

Psalm 51:1-13, New Revised Standard
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment. 5 Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me. 6 You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart. 7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.

Fundraising to Bring Our Child Home

When we contracted with the private agency this Spring, I asked my parents how bad they wanted another grandchild and if they were willing to help us with the $10,000 agency fee. They were thrilled to helped us. As the path to adoption has been winding so has figuring out how to fund it. My parents were not expecting to pay for summer semester in college for my youngest sister or sending her husband to college this fall.


Since 2010 we have raised $8,731 through various fundraising activities - Swing Night, gifts from family and friends, tax returns and our savings account. We have spent $3,245.95 on the Jamaican adoption which began in 2009. This year we have spent $2,550 for the private agency foster-adopt. In total we have spent $5,796 on the two adoption processes. We now have $5,450 that will be due when it is time to place a child in our home, possibly July.


Mike and I have explored just asking grandparents for help or charging the final amount to our credit card. We will eventually get most, if not all, of the foster-adopt fee back after we finalize the adoption through the Adoption Tax Credit but that is months or a year down the road.

So I have prayed about our adoption process and feel we are being led to open up the opportunity for others to participate in bringing home our forever child. Through this blog I have been able to educate others about the adoption process and this is just one more way to spread the word about adoption, foster care and orphan care. We need to raise $5,515. Please pray, if you feel God calling you to help us to bring home our child, please contact me to find out how you can participate - jocelynegray at yahoo dot com or send a private message through my facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/Jocelyne.Davis.Gray. If enough people donate $5 to $50, we will meet our goal quickly. Help us bring our forever child home.

Cost of Foster-Adopt in WA

Since we have been required to contract with a private agency in order to adopt from foster care, many people assume WA state will cover the cost of our foster-adopt like a typical state foster-adopt. This is not our case. Our agency is not contracted with WA DSHS, but it is licensed to provide foster-adopt services, so the state does not reimburse our fees. If a legally free child is placed in our home, we will not receive fostercare stipends for the child. If the child is not yet legally free, we will receive monthly payments from the state. We are still responsible for $10,000 in fees to the adoption agency.
The fee is broken down as follows:

• $550 Application Fee
• $2,000 Home Study Fee
• $2,000 Family Search Fee (covers costs to search for a child)
• $5,450 Program Service Fee (post-placement supervision and finalization paperwork)

Taking on this financial responsibility was a leap of faith. Mike and I are blessed my parents are able and willing to help us with a large portion of these fees plus we had some already saved from previous adoption fundraising over the past two years. We had originally done fund raising for our international adoption which is still in process, but the funds are now being used for our foster adoption.


The shock on people's faces when the cost of our adoption is mentioned is repeatable. Then the same question is asked, "Doesn't the state pay foster care?" Usually, but not in our case. Then they ask, "How are other families going to afford adoptions in WA?" That is a good question. If other families are going to be required to contract with private agencies, many will not be able to adopt from foster care except going through the long-term fostercare process hoping that a child in their care will see more eventually become available. This will limit the number of children adopted from Washington's fostercare system. We will foster kids age out of the system. It will be interesting to how the WA State foster care changes over the next few years because of the budget cuts and making families choose between long-term foster parenting or paying to adopt from fostercare.

To the Birth Family of My Child

I have been thinking about who our adopted child may be while we wait for a match and it has me thinking about the birth family of that child. Our child may or may not know his or her birth family. A child from Jamaica has a very high chance of not knowing his/her birth family. A foster child may have some contact with his/her birth family. So I am taking this time to write a letter to the birth family of any child that may become ours. Once we are matched and know more about our child, I will write a more personal birth family letter. I have been praying daily for the birth family and the caretakers of our future children for awhile now so the birth family is in the back of my mind constantly.

Dear Birth Family,

At this time, I do not know what the circumstances are that have led to your child being placed in care outside of your home. As I write this, my husband and I are waiting to be matched as the adoptive parents of your child. We promise to love, nurture, guide and teach your child. We - you, us and the child - are now a family. We may have little or no contact, but we still influence who the child is and who the child will become. We will teach this child that you love the child and wanted to care for him/her, but for whatever the circumstances, we were chosen as the forever family for your child.

If at all possible and if in the best interest of the child, we would like you to be involved in the child's life. This could mean some annual visits or just letters, emails, phone calls or Skype. The child needs to know that there are many people who are involved in raising him/her - birth, adoptive, foster, immediate, extended and those who are like family. We strongly believe "it takes a village to raise a child". While we want you to have contact with us and the child, please understand that during the first year, contact may be limited while we work on bonding with the child to re-assure the child we are a safe, stable and permanent home.

Our goal is to be a stable, safe home for your child. We hope some day you can come to see the child as "ours", not yours, not mine, but ours. The child has your genetics and your traits. The child will develop the values and some learned traits of my husband and myself. Some day, the child will become, hopefully and God willing, an independent adult with individual ideas and goals that honor both you and us, the family that gave the child a strong beginning.

I do know you have experienced a variety of emotions during this process including anger, disbelief and sadness at losing custody of your child. I, too, have experienced emotions during our own process including frustration, anger, joy and peace. The child has experienced a wide range of emotions that are very confusing, especially if the child is young. It will take time for all of us to process through these emotions singularly and together. My husband and I have accessed counseling services since we began our adoption journey and will continue family counseling once your child is placed in our home. For us, counseling is not a sign of weakness, but just another resource to tap to deal with complex issues involved in the adoption process. I do not know what your circumstances are, but I hope you have others you can talk with to help you through this difficult time. Also, I hope you realize that your thoughts and emotions regarding the adoption of your child by us will vary through the years to come and I hope you will come to peace with us being the forever family of your child.

While we have prayed for years for a child to become ours through adoption, we understand our joy does result in loss for you and the child. We extend our empathy to you and the rest of the birth family. We have learned through the years that sorrow must be experienced in order for joy to be experienced. I have not experienced your form of loss, but I have experienced loss in my own personal ways. Each person experiences life differently; we hope we have the empathy to better understand your circumstances.

We are here to care for your child. And we hope we can continue to keep you involved in your child's life. We are just more family to help your child to adulthood.

Sincerely,
Your Child's Forever Family