We are legal parents!

3 years, 1 month, and 13 days was our total time from first phone call made to DCFS to the time we stood in court to finalize the adoption. The first two years of our process was training and paperwork. I am now the proud owner of three 3-inch, 3-ring binders of paperwork. After the mountains of paperwork, the numerous phone calls, miles of emails, buckets of tears, frustrations, endless patience - Junior is now legally ours - forever and ever and ever!

Yes, this zany teenager who loves to make faces, poke people, and whistle at all hours of the night, is our wonderful, forever son! Our son who has grown four inches in the twelve months since moving in with us and two shoe sizes. He has changed from a little boy to a young man during this year. We love him for who he is and are helping him to become the man for which God created him. While our son is now legally ours, I will continue to use the name "Junior" in my blog to protect his identity as best I can while posting his photos since this blog is open to the public, available to the world. 

One of the proudest moments of our lives - all three of us being sworn in so we could agree to adopt Junior. The lawyer even asked Junior if he agreed to the adoption, even though it was not legally required. We had 15 people in the courtroom as witnesses to this event - family and friends who have supported us along the way. We had one of the largest groups ever to support a family adopting; only those the family wants in the courtroom are permitted. Our lawyer and even the judge were long time family friends. The judge grew up with my parents and with my husband's uncle. Another unique thing about our adoption witnesses, were the presence of Junior's biological mother and sister. It was a very special to have L and Sister celebrating the union of our two families.

After becoming a legal family, we enjoyed a celebratory breakfast at IHOP. Twelve people joined us for breakfast. Junior enjoyed the attention and the free ice cream sundae the IHOP staff presented him after his meal. Then it was back to my parents for an afternoon nap before a visit to the Benton Franklin County Fair where Junior enjoyed the carnival. 

The next day we celebrated with more friends and family during the pool party and BBQ my parents hosted. Then we were off on a week-long vacation to Northwestern Washington enjoying cool mornings, warm afternoons, and some western Washington rain. Junior enjoyed spending time with my parents (his Nana and Papa D), two of my sisters, and my niece. We spent time with his biological family - Aunt, Great Aunt, Sister, Biological Mother, Grandma, Cousins, Papa W - and many others during the week. Activities included walks along Birch Bay; kayaking, rock climbing, water slides, swimming; visiting relatives; enjoying Peace Arch State Park; school supply shopping; exploring MindPort and Rocket Donuts; enjoying frozen yogurt, ice cream and candy; enjoying fresh caught and home cooked salmon by his cousin; and ending the week with another Adoption Party. This party was for Junior's biological family, childhood church family and longtime friends. He and two of his best friends got to spend time together, the first time in two years the three of them have been together. Junior is blessed to have so many people supporting him in so many places of the globe.

Now we settle into regular living after parties and celebrations. School begins this week and a new routine will set our life. We still have paperwork to do - new social security card, adding Junior to my insurance, updating medical and dental records with his name change and insurance data, and getting him a passport card so we can take him to/from Canada the next time we are in Blaine or Sumas. We already received the Adoption Decree, but we are waiting for his new birth certificate. An adopted child receives a new birth certificate with their new name that lists the adoptive parents as the parents. We have copies of Junior's original birth certificate which we believe is very important for helping him define who he is as he matures. 

God will continue to guide us as we parent Junior and the Lord will guide Junior as we teach Junior His ways. For the first day of school he will proudly wear the cross presented to him by Grandma S as an adoption gift. He is finding his way to Christ; with love, security and patience, he will find the Ultimate Healer and Forgiver.

Ephesians 1:5 New Revised Standard

"He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will..."

We are all adopted by God.

Other scriptures that have gotten us through our journey have been:

• Daniel 2:21-23
• Exodus 15:2
• Habakkuk 2:3
• Isaiah 26:4
• Proverbs 2
• Psalms 9:1, 10, 39:7, 51
• Matthew 19:14
• Mark 5:3-16
• 1 Corinthians 13:13
• Romans 8:25

Our adoption process:
2010

• July 2010 - first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents
• October 2010 - began foster care classes
• December 2010 - finished foster care classes and began paperwork

2011

• January 2011 - began fingerprints and background check process
• February 2011 - had fingerprints redone
• March 2011 - fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork
• April 2011 - background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires
• May 2011 - a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor
• June 2011 - second interview with licensor
• July 2011 - counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation
• September 2011 - licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study
• December 2011 - adoption home study approved!

2012

• January 2012 - try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state
• February 2012 - forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt
• March 2012 - begin adoption home study process all over again with Bethany Christian Services
• May 2012 - begin home study interviews and inspection
• June 2012 - fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews
• July 2012 - adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency
• August 2012 - we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption
• August 18, 2012 - first foster placement - Junior moves in
• November 2012 - state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification

2013

• March 2013 - biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights
• April 2013 - biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed
• May 2013 - biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS
• June 2013 - Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed
• July 2013 - we sign adoption papers and court date assigned for finalization
• August 2013 - state signs adoption papers and sends them to our lawyer
• August 23, 2013 - adoption finalized!!!!!!
• August 23, 2013 - received adoption decree
• September 2013 - we live as family

Emotions of an Open Adoption

I am dealing with a slew of emotions at the moment. Excitement is pulsating through me as I await Junior's adoption finalization, day by day. We have seven days left of this phase of our journey then we begin the rest of our lives. At the same time I acknowledge the bitter sweetness experienced by Junior's biological mother as Mike and I become Junior's legal parents. She is supportive of the adoption and our roles as parents, but there is still that sense of loss for her, the might have been that will never be. She will always be his biological mother, but now I am Mom. Her pain might be similar to the emptiness I have experienced the last few years, touched with a twinge of jealousy as she watches another woman raise her son. She decided to trust us to raise her son when she made her decision to relinquish her parental rights. Relinquishing also gave her the opportunity for an open adoption. 

Our adoption is a rather open adoption which is a rarity in a foster care adoption. Typically there is some contact between the foster-adopt family and the biological family, but letters are exchanged through secured PO boxes or emails and visits are once or twice a year. We have an agreement for one exchange of photos a year and four visits, but we expect more contact than that. Even though the adoption has not been finalized, we have maintained contact with his biological mother including some supervised visits. We have open contact with his sister, grandmother, aunts and cousins. It has been beneficial for Junior for us to integrate his biological family into our family - sharing holidays together, spending time together, building memories. He is so excited to have my sisters and parents meet more of his relatives later this month to celebrate his adoption. 

With our great joy of adoption, I am supporting my best friend through in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments. She and her husband have tried for several years now to conceive and this is their first IVF cycle. I have supported her every step of the way - the joy, the disappointment, and the anxiety that comes with each test, each procedure, each step of this very scientific method of creating a baby, hopefully. Now we wait for a positive pregnancy test. We are praying for joyful news when the time comes, but I will be her support should this cycle fail and her dreams are dashed once again. Due to her treatment cycle and doctor appointments and our schedules, she has not met Junior in the year he has been with us. Yes, I want my best friend to meet my son, one of the joys of my life, my sunshine. If the IVF cycle fails, I will hesitate and confirm with her she is ready to meet my sunshine while she mourns her loss as encountering my joy during her sorrow may be too much to deal with, especially since she has a surge of hormones racing through her worn out body magnifying each emotion; I pray this will not be the case. I want her to meet my son in her full joy, knowing she has a little one on the way so we can enjoy motherhood together.


Joy, loss, excitement, sorrow - all swirling around to create our mosaic - Open Adoption. It is one of those many lessons that adoption teaches families, emotions are messy, there are no right or wrong emotions to feel when adopting.





Our adoption process:
2010

• July 2010 - first call to DSHS about becoming foster-adopt parents
• October 2010 - began foster care classes
• December 2010 - finished foster care classes and began paperwork

2011

• January 2011 - began fingerprints and background check process
• February 2011 - had fingerprints redone
• March 2011 - fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork
• April 2011 - background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires
• May 2011 - a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor
• June 2011 - second interview with licensor
• July 2011 - counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation
• September 2011 - licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study
• December 2011 - adoption home study approved!

2012

• January 2012 - try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state
• February 2012 - forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt
• March 2012 - begin adoption home study process all over again with Bethany Christian Services
• May 2012 - begin home study interviews and inspection
• June 2012 - fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews
• July 2012 - adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency
• August 2012 - we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption
• August 18, 2012 - first foster placement - Junior moves in
• November 2012 - state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification

2013

• March 2013 - biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights
• April 2013 - biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment signed
• May 2013 - biological mother's relinquishment filed with court and rights terminated; Open Adoption Agreement between us and biological mother filed with court; post-placement report sent to adoption lawyer and DCFS
• June 2013 - Junior becomes legally free; adoption paperwork processed
• July 2013 - we sign adoption papers and court date assigned for finalization
• August 2013 - state signs adoption papers and sends them to our lawyer
• August 23, 2013 - adoption finalized!!!!!!

Onward to Finalization!

We have been waiting months for today. Today parental rights of the biological father were terminated and the relinquishment for the biological mother will be filed some time this week, maybe even as late as next week; Junior will become legally free very soon. His reaction was, "Now I can do whatever I want!" "Um, no. It means you legally have no parents for the time being, the state is your complete guardian until the adoption."

I have contacted our lawyer who will be filing our paperwork for the finalization. The lawyer then has to request the adoption paperwork from our adoption private agency (home study, post placement report and other documentation). DCFS will transfer Junior's case from foster care to adoption within three days of him becoming legally free. DCFS still needs to draft the Open Adoption Agreement that biological mother and us verbally agreed upon during a meeting then we all need to review it before signing. Depending on how quickly all this paperwork goes, we could have adoption day in 2 to 3 months. Oftentimes, when families get to this point, they still need to complete the adoption home study, but we had that completed prior to meeting Junior. When you have to complete your adoption home study, it is 4-6 months from termination/relinquishment to finalization; therefore, it will be 2-3 months for us from termination/relinquishment to finalization. We have waited over three years for this finalization.

Romans 8:25 NRSV

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"

Habakkuk 2:3 RSV
"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end -- it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."

I am ecstatic about finally being so close to finalizing an adoption. At the same time, I realize Junior's biological mother is voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights and his biological father defaulted in the case so his rights were terminated by the court. While Mike, Junior and I gain so much, Junior still experiences a loss, a permanent severing of legal ties to either biological parent. I am in contact with Junior's biological mother and she is relieved the case is moving forward; she has stated numerous times she knows we will care for Junior and finish raising him with love and encouragement, but I do not know how she is processing the loss she may be feeling. I do not know what emotions Junior's biological father has experienced through this entire process nor do we know if he will continue to have any contact with us, which will be just another loss for Junior of bio father chooses to not have contact.

Adoption is about loss and gain, healing and forgiving. I am glad we can be the family for Junior as he matures plus we can provide emotional support for his teenage sister. Our family is larger by adding Junior's biological family which is quite large, but we always said it takes a village to raise a child. I continue to pray for all involved in Junior's case.

Still, my heart is full of joy, there is a dance in my step and I sing praises to the Lord for bringing us this wonderful miracle - our beautiful, 5'6" bouncing boy! Oh, how I love him! When I heard he would be legally free very soon and we are moving into the adoption stage, I shouted and danced for joy! Our wild roller coaster of unknowns is nearly done and we just deal with the wild roller coaster of parenting a teenager, oh my goodness! :)

Psalm 9:1
"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."

Our foster-adopt process:

• October 2010 began foster care classes
• December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork
• January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process
• February 2011 had fingerprints redone
• March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork
• April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires
• May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor
• June 2011 second interview with licensor
• July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation
• September 2011 licensed foster parents; and begin adoption home study
• December 2011 adoption home study approved!
• January 2012 try registering with adoption websites, begin struggle with state
• February 2012 forced by state to transfer case to private agency in order to adopt; our regional DCFS office will not place foster children in our home or work with us because we want to adopt
• March 2012 begin adoption home study process all over again
• May 2012 begin home study interviews and inspection
• June 2012 fingerprinted twice, complete home study interviews
• July 2012 adoption home study complete and foster license transferred to private agency
• August 10, 2012 we learn about Junior in another region of the state, plan is adoption
• August 18, 2012 first foster placement - Junior moves in
• November 2012 state changes plan from adoption to concurrent adoption and reunification
• March 2013 biological mother agrees to relinquish her parental rights
• April 2013 biological father's parental rights terminated; biological mother's relinquishment filed