Tuesday, July 10, 2012

2-Year Anniversary

Psalm 38:15 NRS
"But it is for you, O Lord, that I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer."

July 10
Never thought that date would  mean much to me. Now it marks the day back in 2010 I first called DSHS to inquire about foster-adopt and kinship adoption. Two years later we have become licensed foster parents, been approved once for adoption and have to get approved again. We have been fingerprinted 5 times in that timeframe, granted once was for our international adoption process.

Never thought we would still be waiting to be matched with a child. The gallons of tears, the frustrations, the emails/phone calls/letters that have been exchanged for information, the anger at the system for making children wait longer, for making us wait longer.

Then the bizarre and still dumbfounding decision by the State to force us to go with a private agency to complete our adoption process. Things started moving along pretty well until June 21, last month - we have been stalled since that day. They had us rush our background checks in order to complete our home study, but the home study is still not finished nearly three weeks later.

Since we are in this weird limbo we cannot readily inquire about available children until our new home study is complete. DSHS refuses to place children with us even for respite care though we are licensed foster parents because we are listed as foster-adopt. The Placement Coordinator has called twice in the past six months than realizes whom she called once I answer, "Oh, you are wanting to adopt, never mind." Also, the children have been a sibling group or at the young end of our age range, just turned 5 and only needed emergency placement.

While we wait for our forever child I chose to take a leap this summer, I signed up to work in the nursery during Kid's Camp (Vacation Bible School) this year. This age group is younger than our target adoption age group which is age 8 and older so I won't be wishing my child was there. The past two years I have not participated in child-related activities at church or in the community because they upset my aching heart. I am beginning to miss these activities so it is time to ease back into the community. I use to volunteer in schools, judge science fairs, teach Sunday School and volunteer with children all the time. The adoption process removed my joy and desire of these activities; I prayed it would come back when we finally adopted, but the Lord has put the desire back in my heart before our child arrived.

However long the Lord has us wait for a child, today I feel I will be okay. Some days have been very difficult, some days I have been indifferent. Today I am okay. I like feeling okay. There is peace and contentment in being okay. I would like to keep this contentment as my core even after our child is placed with us. This peace has a calming factor and will be useful once a child is added to our family and our "normal" is turned to chaos until we establish a new "normal".  I need to remember to recenter my soul to find God's peace and contentment so I can be okay.

Habakkuk 2:3 RSV
"For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seem slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."
Psalm 39:7 NRS
"And now, O Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."

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