Monday, May 24, 2010

Emotional Roller Coaster

Okay, I take pride in being a calm, collected gal. I have found so far during this adoption process the mix of work, adoption and volunteer work is volatile for my emotions. The other week I was enjoying a wonderful community parade and among the joy found myself crying with grief. We are just beginning the "hurry up and wait" process which will go on for at least a year, if not longer.

This week is full of adoption activities. We are finalizing our references. I will touch base with our case worker. I call Jamaica, again, to find out if our pre-adoption application has been approved. It has been four weeks since we faxed our initial application. If the approval is not yet ready, I will continue to call weekly until I get an answer. I also am planning details for our fundraiser in late June so I will remain busy.

Just breathe - in,, out. I can and will survive this. At the end of the leg of this journey, my arms will be wrapped around a child requiring love and acceptance. I do not expect to be loved backed nor be appreciated nor even liked. I have this strong desire to love a child and provide an opportunity for the child to become a productive adult who empathizes with others.


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day 2010. It varies from year to year if the day will be difficult, just another day or a day of joy. This year is difficult. Now that we are in the middle of the adoption process, I know my child is out there, somewhere, and I do not have any information or even a photograph. We were hoping to receive our first Jamaican approval this past week, but we have to wait at least another three weeks. At that time, we will find out if there are any children available.

My sister gets to celebrate Mother's Day for the first time with her lovely child. I adore my niece and give her lots of love anytime we are together. Now I have a nephew on my husband's side to love. I adore other people's children, also, but I still have empty arms. It is not just Mother's Day, but Christmas, Halloween and Easter are now difficult as I watch the wonder of all the children around me. One family at church was able to adopt internationally in seven months and just got their sweet little girl home. I have three friends expecting babies in August, one with twins. I realize I am at an age when most of my friends are starting or expanding their families. Many of my friends who have children my age are now becoming grandparents. For now, I pray, I wait, and I lavish love on my niece and nephew. One day I will relish the joy of Mother's Day once again. At least I have a loving mother who I cherish greatly and a mother-in-law I love.