Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Christmas Prayers

My last post was rather glum for the Christmas season. While my heart still yearns for a child to hold and claim as my own, the good Lord is slowly revealing the next step towards fulfilling my prayer of becoming a parent. Part of our plan to become parents includes moving to a better neighborhood and into a larger house. We just accepted an offer on our house and made an offer on our "dream" home. While the house is aged (1941) it is sturdy, spacious and fulfills most of our requirements for a home. If all goes well, we will move in January. Our foster-adopt paperwork will be submitted this month; hopefully we can begin our foster parent interviews in January which could lead to a child placement in the Spring.

While moving is exciting and brings us closer to expanding our family, part of me is hesitant to get too excited in case one of the house deals falls through or another obstacle appears. I know I will become a parent, it is just a matter of when God plans to make me a parent. As with all of God's plans, I do not know all of the steps or the timing. Adoption is quite the spiritual journey a person and for a couple. At times keeping the faith is very difficult, but God is there to carry me when I feel I cannot drag myself along. Laying down in green pastures is all I feel I can accomplish some days; other days I am flying on dreams and expectations. This is all in preparation to bringing a child into our home - life with a child will have its highs, lows and everything in between the rest of our lives. I do not know how my husband feels except he has told me he is apprehensive about becoming a parent and screwing up a child. He is more involved in the planning now that we have completed the foster-adopt classes. He has told me he is okay with becoming a parent next summer.

My 33rd birthday is next week. If we become parents next year, one of my life goals of becoming a parent before my 35th birthday. Putting a time limit on such a life goal as parenting is dangerous. I know many women who want to have babies before they turn 30 or 35 then they discover they have infertility issues and cannot meet their goal. Adoption is not a timed science so there is no guarantee of when we will get a placement.

I continue to pray and persivere through this journey. Only the Lord knows where He is taking us. Only he knows where our children are coming from and when they will become ours. I have to keep reminding myself it is just a matter of time of when we will become parents.

May you find peace this Advent season.