I have been asked five times in the past twelve days if we have a referral or a placement. The questions come from people who do not understand the processes we have to endure just to get a referral. I have to mail the paperwork first! Yes, I have been working on the Jamaican paperwork since November 2009 - welcome to the world of adoption. There is more paperwork in an international adoption than there is to buy a house. No, we haven't officially started the domestic adoption until we take the foster parent classes. No, I don't know when we will have a child, I will let you know.
Only at certain times does the question, "do you have a kid yet?" bother me. Today was one of those days. I can go weeks and not feel the pain of childlessness; then my mood changes and I desperately long for a child. I just want to sit and hold any child for hours to ease some of the pain.
Should I be in one of those moods when I meet my child for the first time, oh woe the child - who's this crazy crying lady?
My husband does not understand the "empty arms" feelings. He is not opposed to the adoption, but there is no urgency for a family for him. He's already looking forward to when they grow up and move out of the house. I look at is as having a truncated time with my children since they will be older when they are placed. I have a very short time to cherish the moments of their childhood. It will be interesting to see how he changes once a child is placed in our care. I have seen a transformation with many expecting fathers - no excitement until they begin setting up the baby's room then complete love once they hold their precious child for the first time. I do not know how my husband will react during his first interaction with our child. One day we will hold "our child" together and be a wonderful family!