Bang Your Head and Scream

I know most moms have days where they want to bang their heads against a wall and scream because their children have not been so angelic. I have read plenty of Facebook posts about such children of my friends. Luckily, Junior is a very good teen and is not the one making me want to scream. Between stresses at work and frustrations with Junior's case, I want to bang my head against a brick wall!

We are having problems with background checks for our family members. I recently found out the background checks for my sisters were processed incorrectly so they cannot provide overnight care. Last month, my parents were to be cleared for overnight care, but only got cleared for children placed for adoption, not in foster care. Junior is a foster placement so how does any of this make sense? All background checks now have to be redone, but the state doesn't have the time to process them; luckily, we have a private agency competent enough to process the background checks needed. Currently, we are being expected to pay out of pocket for these background checks then we submit receipts for reimbursement. That is five people who need fingerprints.

All of this is added to the frustrations at work where I have one out of order copier/scanner and one copier/scanner that is intermittently scanning. I am attempting to scan 500 pages. We are waiting for the arrival of the new machines which are due this month.

I WANT TO BANG MY HEAD AND SCREAM!!!!!

More Fingerprints

June 16: We knew it was too good to be true when our caseworker said the agency was able to run our background check with the DSHS fingerprints. June 14 she emailed me requesting we go in ASAP for more fingerprinting because we needed an FBI background check and not just the WSP check. We were able to get our prints taken and processed Friday, June 15. Unfortunately, our caseworker has to be able to access the file directly and not have us email them to her and we are having problems getting her access. I have to contact the processing company Monday to find out how they can send her the results. The results state we have never been arrested and are in PDF so they are not edited, but the caseworker has to receive them directly from the company. Still, we are making progress.


June 20: Found out the company cannot send our results directly to the caseworker, but we have to provide our agency with our logins, passwords and secure access codes for the company's website. We tried that today and discovered our results were purged from the system after we saved them last Friday! Now we have to schedule new appointments and have the process repeated. We are waiting for the fingerprinting company to send the confirmation email that we are allowed to schedule new appointments. I wish there was an easier way to get our background checks processed. We might be able to get our appointments for Thursday afternoon or Friday. There is a chance we have to wait until next week.

After a conversation on Facebook with other adoptive parents about fingerprinting, someone suggested we needed a support group. I think it is time for a letter to my Senators. My Congressman is retiring, but my Senators need to know there has got to be a better way nationally for processing background checks. One central database so the different state foster care agencies and private adoption agencies can pull from the database. Right now, depending on who you are adopting from determines the fingerprinting process and not all states even require fingerprints even be taken.

Unlike the fingerprints with DSHS, these prints cost us money each time they are taken - $48/person - so $96 each time we schedule an appointment. Plus there is the fuel because the closest office is not within our county. It is an hour round trip plus I have to take time off from work during a very busy week. It seems "our" office is not as user friendly as the other offices our agency is use to dealing with for background checks. It is enough to increase my blood pressure and make me scream.

Adoptive parents tell me these roadblocks are worth in the end when our child is in our home and arms. Will the frustrations of parenting really be worth all this? Will we be willing to endure this again for a second adoption in the future when my fingerprints will be more worn and harder to scan; when the laws will have changed possibly to make it even more complicated? I pray parenthood will be worth all the tears, frustration, aggravation, anger, impatience and heartache I have already encountered. A tiny voice in the back of my mind started asking today, "What if parenting is not worth all this anguish? What if the child placed with us grieves us more than enthralls us?" If that is the case, we will have just the one child and deal with our life as it is with God as our refuge.

June 21: Fingerprinting completed for the 5th time! Got the results to our agency untainted via a befuddled phone call and email. Now our home study should be finalized next week.

Licensed Parenting

We finally got our letter from DSHS stating they have received our foster home license application and that they hope to have us licensed within 90 days. But - there could be a delay with the licensor's retirement as of April 20. No mention of how they plan to re-assign our case or contact information for someone once the licensor leaves the office. Luckily, I do have the phone number of his supervisor, but this leaves me hurt and frustrated.

The pain in my heart is overshadowing the sunshine we are experiencing amidst the winter like weather. I cannot focus on anything, but my desire to have a child. The foster care system still has many flaws. The focus of Washington State is to reunite children with their families which is ideal if those families can provide shelter, food, education and safety. There are many children in foster care who have been in state care for years, but parental rights are still not terminated while children wait for stability and a permanent home. It angers me to know there are thousands of children who need homes and we are a home needing children, but the hoops we have to jump through seem outrages while there are women out there still having children who have had them all removed from her custody.

Our lives have been exposed every aspect of our lives on paper - medical, financial, upbringing, personal, professional, educational, friendships, pets, home, spiritual - to prove we will be good parents. We still have to discuss all these aspects with the licensor and have our home inspected to make sure it complies with the foster home laws and will be a safe place for our child. Once we do all that, we then submit our paperwork to another state hoping they decide we are the ideal parents for a child legally free and waiting for a permanent home. It is during all this that I am in favor of all prospective parents (biological or adoptive) being required to attend parenting classes and receive a license prior to being allowed to have a child in the home. I know many biological parents oppose this idea, but those of us who have to go through this process in order to adopt, we would like to share the exposure.

Intellectually I understand the reasons for the scrutiny of adoptive parents, but when the heart aches for a child, intellect is overruled by emotions. My husband has found that logic is even overruled by my emotions. Getting angry at the delays of our home study are not logical as the home study will most likely be completed by the end of summer. At this time, I do not care about logic or intellect, we are dealing with matters of a mother's heart. I have a fully equipped child's room waiting for a child. I have toys, books, games, movies and music waiting for a child. I have arms aching for a child.