Latest Adoption Process Update

Bethany Christian Services determined we have to start from scratch with the home study process. We just completed most of the paperwork this past week. Our latest medical exams are scheduled for the week of March 20th. We have mailed letters and reference forms to our friends who have agreed to be our references. It has been wonderful to have so many people support us through this process who have been willing to write references for our foster license, for our DSHS foster-adopt process and now for our private foster-adopt process. Some of them even wrote references for our international adoption so they are becoming experts at writing reference letters or filling out reference questionnaires.

For our foster license, I just completed two weekends of training. The class was Parenting Plus which is a new class for new foster parents and from foster parents who are re-certifying. Next month we take "So You Have Your First Placement, Now What?" even though we have not had any children placed with us. This is another required class for new foster parents. The Parenting Plus class was good to learn from experienced foster parents.

We are proceeding through Round 3 for the foster-adopt process. I first made contact with DSHS about starting the foster-adopt process in July 2010 and now it is 1 year and 8 months later and we are still processing through the paperwork because our region decided we had to transfer our adoption case to a private agency. I have spoken with a placement coordinator in another region, she is not aware of the state no longer willing to work with families wanting to adopt from foster care without doing long term foster care. Her region has way more children than they have foster homes and adoptive homes available while I have talked to various foster-adopt families who have not had a placement for a year or two in our county. If she has children who are in need of permanent placements, I do not understand why there are not more placements between regions as long as it is in the best interest of the child. Maybe with me bringing up this topic with her and her beginning to talk to other regions, maybe more Washington children will find permanent homes with more inter-regional cooperation within DSHS. It will be interesting to see how Round 3 plays out as it is not a standard process in our case. Yes, we want it to lead to a successful adoption for us, but if it leads to more successful adoptions for several Washington foster children, then God's kingdom is in more places and in more lives.

A Side Step in Our Journey

DSHS finally decided earlier this month that they will not be providing us adoption services and is getting out of the adoption business. The sole focus now is helping to keep children with their families and temporary foster care. Luckily, I had already begun contacting private adoption agencies in Washington. I found three that could provide services to us in our rural county.

I did not think it would be difficult to find an agency, that is not true. One agency limits the available children to Washington and Oregon and we felt that was too restrictive. A second agency does not want to place children over that age of 3 with us because we are untried parents and have had anxiety issues, even though they are resolved. Instead of us choosing an agency, that left us with one agency to decide if they were willing to work with us.

We know transferring our DSHS foster-adopt case to a private agency does not guarantee the agency will approve us for adopting an older child, but Bethany Christian Services is willing to work with us through the process. I have had a peaceful feeling working with their staff and our assigned social worker, even though we have not met. We have just exchanged lots of emails.

We are progressing through applications and sending our DSHS documents to the social worker via email to determine how much of the home study we have to update. We progress through this step and continue along our journey.

Continued Frustrations

Now that we have transitioned into the next phase of our adoption process and are trying to register with the various photolisting websites, we have encountered more frustrations. In order to fully register for these sites we are required to have an agency contact - name, phone number and email. Turns out the caseworker who completed our adoption home study is done with our case and will not be our contact. The local adoption social worker only represents children or works with families who have children in their homes already. I have a third DSHS employee looking into DSHS protocol and who should be our agency contact or if DSHS can even help us with this step. If DSHS cannot help us with finding a child, why did they tell us we could adopt through DSHS? I even had one DSHS employee tell us to now go with a private adoption agency after all we have gone through dealing with DSHS. If we really do need to go with a private adoption, we should have known this in 2010 so we could have worked with an agency from the beginning. We hope to have some answers by next Tuesday or I will be calling DSHS HQ to get our answers.

Until we figure out who our agency and agency contact will be, we cannot inquire about any child or youth. We have begun searching the photolistings and creating a list of potential children/youth we would like to inquire about once we can fully register with the websites. Since we have chosen not to be foster parents but to seek a child already legally free, the photolistings are really the only way for us to find a potential child/youth. The process works as follows, to my understanding:

• We submit an electronic inquiry about a child we are interested in parenting.
• The child's caseworker reviews our home study and profile.
• If the child's caseworker thinks we could be potential parents, the caseworker contacts our agency's contact and the communicate.
• Our agency contact receives information about the child and shares it with us.
• We decide to parent or not parent the child after reviewing the file.
• If the child's caseworker approves us to become the parents, we are invited to visit the child/youth and a disclosure meeting. The disclosure meeting allows us to learn about the the child's past, reason for being in foster care.
• Depending on the needs of the child/youth, we may have several days of visits before returning home.
• If fully approved to adopt the child, we will go to the child's current location and may spend several days before bringing the child/youth home.
• Once home, we establish our routine with our child/youth with a DSHS caseworker making monthly visits until we are approved to finalize the adoption.
• After six months or more, we get to finalize the adoption and make our family permanent.

We might meet our forever child this year. We might meet our forever child next year. Then there is a process to bring our child home then make the adoption finalized.

A new start for a new year

Isaiah 1:17 New Revised Standard Version
"learn to do good; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow"

Our adoption home study was completed December 21 and December 22 we got a call to begin visitation for two little boys on December 28. It was two crazy days to prepare for the trip and for Christmas. We traveled two days after Christmas with high hopes, all excited to meet our potential future children. We didn't quite know what to expect.

After an 8 hour drive, we settled into our hotel room then prepared for our meeting with DSHS and with the boys the next day. This led to the first fight that my dear husband and I had in several years; it was a doozy, but we came to an understanding to be open minded during the rest of the week.

The next morning we met with the caseworker for about 45 minutes then met the boys with their foster mom. Our nine-hour visit extended across several situations - DSHS visitation room, a walk outside, lunch at a fast food restaurant and many hours at the foster parents' home. We experienced firsthand the joys and needs of the boys. The day was special, educational and eye-opening. That evening, my husband and I had a long conversation late into the night about the needs of the children, our ability to meet their needs and our expectations of parenthood.

The second morning there was a family team decision meeting. On the way to this meeting, we finally decided what our answer would be if we were asked if we would parent the boys. These boys are distant relatives of mine so other family members were present at the meeting who did not know our decision. My husband and I made a very difficult and heartbreaking decision that we could not provide for the long term needs of the boys.

We know our decision is extremely painful and difficult for my relatives to accept, but we had to do what we thought was in the best interest of the boys. They are currently in a good home, having their needs well met and are loved by many. I will continue to pray for the boys as their case is still to be decided.

Today we are emotionally recovering from this past week. We have learned a lot about ourselves and the type of child we are comfortable parenting. We have decided a single older child would be more suitable for us. With the new year, we will prayerfully search for the child God has chosen for our family.

Our adoption journey continues, but we are wiser from our experiences of 2011. Our marriage is still strong and united. We will continue to pray, discern, and learn during 2012.

Another Step Forward

We have made progress in our adoption home study. After Thanksgiving, we met with our adoption caseworker. The first meeting we reviewed our basic history - education, family, jobs, and our current relationships with our parents and siblings. We discussed why we wanted to adopt, our foster licensing process and the training classes we have taken so far. Our second meeting we discussed our views on adoption, discipline, adoption issues and had our home inspection. The home study has been written and should be approved by our caseworker's supervisor before Christmas. This is just another step forward in our adoption process. We will see what 2012 reveals in our adventure.

Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving this week, I want to reflect on my blessings through a process that has been frustrating and heartbreaking. We are still dealing with frustrations, but there is hope of some additional progress in the next few weeks.

Psalm 9:1
"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."

Thanksgiving 2011 Blessings:

• a wonderful husband who loves me very much
• supportive family
• State Representative's Senior Aid helping with our adoption
• some progress with our adoption
• a lovely home ready for our future child(ren)
• prayers of many believers that our child(ren) will come home soon
• improved health
• I know God is looking over our future child(ren)
• I have been a blessing to others who are embarking on their adoption journey

Genesis 12:2

"I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing"

Finding grace

November is National Adoption Month and today is Adoption Sunday. There are stories of so many families created through adoption. During these celebrations, what is not discussed are the years of waiting, the mounds of paperwork and the frustrations each family experiences to bring their precious children home. In the past ten years, the adoption process - domestic and international - has become longer and there is more scrutiny about the potential adoptive parents.

The past three weeks, I have made contact with about four different people at DSHS trying to see if we can move our process along. At this point it looks like we will not be moving our foster-adopt process along any faster. Our adoption caseworker is overloaded and we just have to wait until she can find time to meet with us. Then I have to make a call to the foster care Placement Coordinator later this month to find out if she can found out if she can help us with getting a suitable placement. Being told that these two women are the only two people in the entire state who might be able to help us create our family is, in a way, frustrating and disheartening.

At this point, I have to find the grace to allow DSHS to go through their process even if I think they are moving too slowly. I have to find the grace to deal with the state workers who tell me I must continue to wait patiently for weeks and possibly months. I have to find the grace to find ways to make changes in the foster care system that benefit children while I hear of teens aging out of the system without permanent families.

I pray for grace, patience and forgiveness as we move through our adoption process and wait for our child to come home. As we get closer to the holiday season, it will be harder for me to not lose faith that we will have our precious child in our home come this time next year. I had this wish last year and this will be my wish until we have a child in our home.

Navigating Foster Care

Over the last month, I have attempted to make as many contacts as possible at DSHS to see who might be best able to help us with our foster-adopt process. Most of the people I have spoken to have been unhelpful. One woman who may be of assistance will not be in the office until mid-November. So I have to wait to contact the Placement Coordinator who might be able to match us to a child waiting for a forever family or who is moving from reunification to adoption placement. I have talked to different people in the Shelton office, in Thurston County and in Benton County. I feel like I am running out of people to talk to at this point. We should be meeting with our caseworker in November, finally. I am beyond frustration at this point; I am just about resigned to just go along for the ride, but I have not given up to fight for out child and for the rest of the children in foster care. I have spoken to:

• foster licensor
• assigned caseworker
• caseworker in another county
• foster licensor supervisor
• interim foster Placement Coordinator
• fingerprinting center
• part time adoption caseworker
• DSHS workers at HQ
• Sr Aide to State Representative
• other foster families

We are into this process 12 months already. From my communications with other foster-adopt families throughout the country, some had placements within a year of starting their process while others endure years of slow processing. It looks like we will be going through a multi-year process.

While we wait for DSHS to go through their steps, a child is waiting for their forever family which we could provide. There is a child hoping, wishing, wondering when he/she will have a forever family. Each night I pray for our child, our child continues to live in uncertainty. I pray his/her foster family is loving, caring, protective, secure, therapeutic and supportive. One day, we will work together to transition the child to our home.

I still have the fire inside me to keep fighting for the children waiting in foster care for permanency. It will be a long process just to make changes in my local DSHS office, let alone changes further up the chain of command. While our process may be long and unpredictable, I hope to make the path better for future foster-adopt families.

Romans 8:25

Romans 8:25 New Revised Standard

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"

As we progress through the adoption process, I have been hoping and praying and asking the Lord for patience. I do not know how our journey will end, what turns our path will take or what adventures we may experience along the way.

It has seemed like a very slow process. I am trying to contact all people I can in DSHS throughout Washington State to determine who may be the best people to help us get a child placed in our home. I have found a caseworker in another county to be very helpful. I have a lead on a Foster Child Placement Coordinator who returns in November who might be able to help match us with a child who is either legally free or nearly legally free. We are waiting for our fingerprints to be processed so our caseworker will make set our first meeting. She has been willing to meet with other families before their prints have been completed, but she has not wanted to meet with us until our prints are processed.

Perseverance, patience and passion will get us through this process. And I hope to be able to identify some changes that need to be made in our local foster care system to better serve the children in care. I came across a 2002 study that children spend on average 43 months in foster care. Nearly four years of a child's life is a long time for any child, but especially a child who has experienced chaos, abuse, and/or neglect before experience temporary family life in foster care. Children deserve permanency sooner - either with their original family or with an adoptive family. Every child deserves to have a family that cares about their milestones - first loose tooth, sporting events, school events, birthdays, dances, holidays, first date, driver license, graduation, first job, first house, significant relationship/marriage, and children of their own. Even teens who are not adopted need a permanent family to call their own willing to remain family for the rest of their lives.

With God's strength, I will persevere through this process. With His strength, I will have the grace and patience to deal with the bureaucracy of the adoption process. The child God has chosen for us is out there waiting for a forever family just as we are waiting for the child. I know in my heart all good happens in God's time, but waiting can be extremely difficult, especially when one sees injustice occurring to children. While we wait, I will do what I can to help children waiting in Washington State.

We are moving forward!

Our foster-adopt process has quickly moved forward. Now that we are licensed foster parents (the license will be in the mail this week), the adoption section of DSHS has mailed us the adoption paperwork. The paperwork was mailed on September 12, we picked up our mail September 14. The "Welcome" letter stated we were to get all our paperwork, in by September 30. After I have been asking to speak with an adoption caseworker or at least get the paperwork for months, they give us 17 calendar days to submit our paperwork? Or what? There was no explanation of what happens if this deadline is not met. As organized as I am, I got our portion of the paperwork completed and mailed back to DSHS on September 16. The four references will be mailed this week and my husband's medical form will be mailed this week, also. I luckily had a doctor's appointment already scheduled for September 15 and took mine in and got it filled out that day. I also sent an email to the caseworker asking for clarification on statements in the letter. The letter says we have to go through the fingerprinting process all over again. I will do this if need be, but is this really necessary if WSP and DSHS already has our prints and just has to run them through the system? It would save time and effort on our part and save tax payer dollars which are stretched very thin already.

Thursday I met with my State Representative's Senior Aide about our case and discussed the good and the bad about our process. We agree there are communication and process issues that need to be addressed in the local DSHS office. Since July 2010 the Foster Licensors have told us we do not need to be licensed to pursue adoption, but the Adoption Caseworkers have told us they will not talk to us until we are licensed foster parents - message disconnect. Getting phone calls returned from DSHS is nearly impossible unless I call three times in one week. The office did not re-assign us a licensor when ours retired even after I got the Representative's office involved. I had to call and demand the contact information for a licensor so we could proceed. I have been refused the supervisor information when I ask for the name and phone number of the Adoption Supervisor. I only got this information when we became licensed foster parents. Then they give us this 17-day deadline which does not make any sense. Not everyone can get their doctor to respond within 15 days; luckily I already had an appointment and our doctors are really easy to work with and know we are working through the adoption process.

Once ALL the paperwork is in, I wonder how long it will take the caseworker to set up our first meeting. The letter stated we will have several 2-hour meetings. Much of the Caseworker's (CW) concern is our lifetime commitment to adoption, parental training we have received and resources we may utilize after placement and adoption. We have gone through all this with our previous two home studies so we will review what we know and plan to do after placement - counseling, discipline techniques, family integration, educational services, etc. I know very little about this CW, just name and contact information. I do not know of any local families that have dealt with the person and have not heard his name before this month so he may be new. This adoption home study process could go quickly or it could drag on for another year as some families locally have said it is taking 9-12 months for the adoption home study.

Patience. This is a practice in patience, hope and faith. I pray for the child waiting for a home who will be eventually placed in our home. We are adopting a child who is available for adoption and has been in care for an unknown amount of time. It makes my soul ache to know this child lingers in foster care wishing, hoping, praying for a family while we are wishing, hoping, praying for a child. All the child and we can do at this moment is wait for the system. One day that child will be set free from the system and achieve permanence as our child. Permanence. That is a good topic for my next blog post. As the verse below states, I will come to you. We just do not know when that day will be; the timing is in God's hands who watches over us and protects us.

John 14:18 (New King James Version)
I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.

To the Birth Family of My Child

I have been thinking about who our adopted child may be while we wait for a match and it has me thinking about the birth family of that child. Our child may or may not know his or her birth family. A child from Jamaica has a very high chance of not knowing his/her birth family. A foster child may have some contact with his/her birth family. So I am taking this time to write a letter to the birth family of any child that may become ours. Once we are matched and know more about our child, I will write a more personal birth family letter. I have been praying daily for the birth family and the caretakers of our future children for awhile now so the birth family is in the back of my mind constantly.

Dear Birth Family,

At this time, I do not know what the circumstances are that have led to your child being placed in care outside of your home. As I write this, my husband and I are waiting to be matched as the adoptive parents of your child. We promise to love, nurture, guide and teach your child. We - you, us and the child - are now a family. We may have little or no contact, but we still influence who the child is and who the child will become. We will teach this child that you love the child and wanted to care for him/her, but for whatever the circumstances, we were chosen as the forever family for your child.

If at all possible and if in the best interest of the child, we would like you to be involved in the child's life. This could mean some annual visits or just letters, emails, phone calls or Skype. The child needs to know that there are many people who are involved in raising him/her - birth, adoptive, foster, immediate, extended and those who are like family. We strongly believe "it takes a village to raise a child". While we want you to have contact with us and the child, please understand that during the first year, contact may be limited while we work on bonding with the child to re-assure the child we are a safe, stable and permanent home.

Our goal is to be a stable, safe home for your child. We hope some day you can come to see the child as "ours", not yours, not mine, but ours. The child has your genetics and your traits. The child will develop the values and some learned traits of my husband and myself. Some day, the child will become, hopefully and God willing, an independent adult with individual ideas and goals that honor both you and us, the family that gave the child a strong beginning.

I do know you have experienced a variety of emotions during this process including anger, disbelief and sadness at losing custody of your child. I, too, have experienced emotions during our own process including frustration, anger, joy and peace. The child has experienced a wide range of emotions that are very confusing, especially if the child is young. It will take time for all of us to process through these emotions singularly and together. My husband and I have accessed counseling services since we began our adoption journey and will continue family counseling once your child is placed in our home. For us, counseling is not a sign of weakness, but just another resource to tap to deal with complex issues involved in the adoption process. I do not know what your circumstances are, but I hope you have others you can talk with to help you through this difficult time. Also, I hope you realize that your thoughts and emotions regarding the adoption of your child by us will vary through the years to come and I hope you will come to peace with us being the forever family of your child.

While we have prayed for years for a child to become ours through adoption, we understand our joy does result in loss for you and the child. We extend our empathy to you and the rest of the birth family. We have learned through the years that sorrow must be experienced in order for joy to be experienced. I have not experienced your form of loss, but I have experienced loss in my own personal ways. Each person experiences life differently; we hope we have the empathy to better understand your circumstances.

We are here to care for your child. And we hope we can continue to keep you involved in your child's life. We are just more family to help your child to adulthood.

Sincerely,
Your Child's Forever Family

Glimmer of Hope

Friday morning, August 26 I made my second major contact with Jamaica this month. They are working on a potential match. It will be some time before we have additional details, but it appears our first child is waiting for us in Jamaica. So, I guess we can say we are expecting. I am hoping we have a definite match by Christmas and maybe even more details to celebrate. We are unsure of how long it will take for Jamaica to finalize the match and to get us information about our child, it could be weeks or months.

I do not feel comfortable yet saying I am a mom until the match is finalized and I can personalize the the child. I know I will love any child who is matched to us, but I do not want to attach, yet, to a child until we have a name. I hope, I pray that one day soon we will be able to say, "We are parents!"

There are many questions. Who is our child? What is the name of our child? What is the background history of our child? Why is our child available for adoption? How old is our child? What does our child like: food, color, clothes, animal, toy, story?

I have an inner peace that one of our adoption processes is still moving forward. At this point, I have a glimmer of hope.

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Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

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Daydreaming
by Tom Fisher© July 19, 2005

I stepped into her room today
Knowing she's not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear
But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.
A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She’s meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I’ve dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be "The Call."

Adoption Update and Sponsorship

Looks like our foster home study is approved, just have to have the background check done, again, since it has been more than 3 months. Then our license will be issued, hopefully next week! Once I get word the licensed is issued, I can call the adoption worker at DSHS to set up a meeting. I want to start working on the paperwork. We are making progress, allbeit, slowly.

I feel like I need to do some babysitting to get a child fix. I have been a bit child-shy the past several months, but I now feel it is time to spend time with one or two.

Thursday I call Jamaica again to see if we can get matched to a child.

Only God knows who my child is and where the child is currently located. I can just pray my child is being loved, protected and cared for by caretakers.

As I write this, I have the most current photo of the 10 year old girl I sponsor. She lives in Guatemala with her parents and sisters. I have been her sponsor since 2008 and have enjoyed watching her blossom with health care, new clothes and education. She smiles now and has a look of hope. I started sponsoring her before we decided to adopt and before my sister became pregnant, but I felt a need to be involved with a child's life. It helps to know this young girl has an opportunity for an education through the sponsorship of Children International. My latest letter to her explores career options she might consider. As she grows, it gives me a glimpse into the potential life of my own future child. She is the beauty in the photo.

Proverbs 2:9-11:

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

Jamaican Contact

I started calling Jamaica on Wednesday to find out if there was a match possible for us. Wednesday I was given another number to call either Thursday or Friday. I called the new number on Thursday and was told my contact was out all day, try again Friday. I called again today (Friday) and was able to speak to my contact! I confirmed we are interested in a child age 2 to 8, no older than 8, we have no preference on gender and that my email address was in our Pre-Approval Application. She said she will look into our case then email me if there is a potential match. I figure I will still need to call weekly until we do get a match as the matching process can take months. Only God knows who our child is and when we will find out about him/her.

One of my co-workers had a dream we adopted a tiny Jamaican infant which I brought to work every day and we all took turns caring for it for an hour. Ha! Ha! Mike and I agree - no babies. There may be some truth, though, in that dream. Our child may be a small Jamaican baby now, but we may not be matched until the child is older. Our child may be a petite Jamaican child. We do not know. We will not know until we are matched either through Jamaica or through DSHS.

I am contemplating buying some school supplies this month now that they are on sale just because all elementary school-aged children need a backpack, paper, pencils, crayons, erasors, tissues, lunch box, pencil box, calculator and peechees/folders. These can be stored until needed next year or the year after or the year after and we can purchase some a little at a time. I will be attending the school's back-to-school BBQ the day before school begins to meet other parents and some of the teachers. I want to become a familiar face before we even have children.

I am working to touch bases with more adoptive mothers to get information, find support, laugh, cry and find commraderie. Parenthood is not easy, but adoption tends to through some extra twists into the crazy ride and it helps to have others who know how to survive those twists.

The coming twelve months is going to be full of surprises, frustrations, joys and sorrows; just as the past twelves months contained all these.

Foster Care vs International Adoption

As we slowly trudge through the foster-adopt gazillion step process, I wonder which is going to place a child in our home first - foster-adopt or Jamaican adoption. As slow as international adoption can be - 4+ years - it is beginning to seem like adopting from the US foster care system is just as slow. I am finding it is a multi-year process just to be able to begin looking for a child from foster care. Below is the process we have followed so far for both adoption processes. Many people do not realize the years of work needed that lead up to a match; much of the training, meetings and paperwork are done behind the scenes.


Foster-adopt:

• October 2010 began foster care classes


• December 2010 finished foster care classes and began paperwork


• January 2011 began fingerprints and background check process


• February 2011 had prints redone


• March 2011 fingerprints lost in system then finally found, completed paperwork


• April 2011 background checks completed/passed and foster licensor retires


• May 2011 a different licensor re-assigned; first home study review with licensor


• June 2011 second interview with licensor


• July 2011 counselor talks with licensor, home study on hold while licensor is on vacation


• August 2011 plan to have foster home study completed and have license approved


• September 2011 begin adoption home study which could take more than 6 months

Jamaican Adoption:

• November 2009 contacted home study agency


• December 2009 began paperwork for international adoption


• March 2010 met with home study caseworker, home inspection and began classes


• April 2010 physical exams for home study


• September 2010 home study completed


• October 2010 two copies of home study sent to Jamaica and one sent to USCIS


• January 2011 fingerprints for USCIS taken and processed


• February 2011 approval from USCIS to adopt from Jamaica and home study forwarded to US Embassy in Kingston, Jamaica


• Now we just wait for a match


• Once we get a match, it is 2-3 years before we get to bring the child home

If it seems people are getting through their adoptions quickly, remember they most likely have been working behind the scenes for years. Some families do not announce they are adopting until they have a match so the public process is truncated. No one "just adopts"; you have to consciously decide to adopt, proceed through the grueling process and wait years.

Finding peace and patience with the adoption process is all I can do to keep moving towards the dream of expanding our family.

More Frustrations

I checked in with our caseworker today. We have to have another interview because her supervisor has additional questions we need to answer. I have no idea what type of questions are unanswered at this point. We have covered our own childhoods, medical histories, education, work history, financial status, discipline plans, home inspection, relationship between us, relationships with family members and our experiences with children.

As I talk with families who have been getting licensed this year for foster care and foster-adopt I am observing families who already have children being processed faster than families who do not have children. This is just my observation. I understand that people who have children are proven parents - good or bad. BUT, people who do not children may or may not be better, as good as or worse parents.

We passed the process with the US Homeland Security, but it feels like the State of Washington is unwilling to allow us to become parents for whatever their preconceived notions of good parents. It is frustrating while we wait for our first child. If all goes well in next Thursday's interview, our home study should be complete by July 10.

Surprisingly, my patience is holding up. A young girl we have been praying for since January has found a family. It is not us as we wait for paperwork, but she has found a family. I pray her transition goes well. I am casually reading about children on the online photolistings, but I am not allowing myself to get attached until our paperwork is done and we can contact caseworkers of children.

For now, I just pray for:

• our future child


• our home study


• the 8 year girl who found a family


• our life as we wait

May Milestones

After the frustruations of April, flowers began to bloom in May. Late April I contacted my state representatives involved in our case. Rep. Finn was most responsive to our case. His staff contacted DSHS HQ who then called me immediately promising a call from the local DSHS office by the end of that week. Well, I never got taht call. I gave the local office until the following Wednesday to call, which they did not. I called the office and the Supervisor did not seem to know I was expecting a call from him, but he did provide me with the phone number of the licensor who would complete our home study. I immediately called Elaine and we set up a time to meet. She would interview Mike one day and me the next. After getting lost on her way to the house, she interviewed Mike May 19. He was not talkative about the questions asked or how he thought the interview went so I entered my interview the next day not know what to expect. Elaine is a wonderful lady who made me comfortable like I was talking to a close friend. Besides the interview, she inspected the house and was impressed with the amount of room we have and the character it has - lots of storage, three floors, nooks for playing and a quiet neighborhood. She has two other home studies before ours, but she planned to have ours done by June 26, no later than July 10. Once our home study is complete, our case will be turned over to a new licensor.

Elaine told us we could contact a child's caseworker before we receive our license approval letter. We just send a child's casework Elaine's information which she will feed them until the report is finalized and complete. I emphasized to Elaine we are interested in adopting from the foster care system. Our license with be for ages 5 to 10 as we have our eye on a child who is currently 8 years old and we do not know who long it will be before she can be placed with our family.

The hope is to have a child by the end of the year. As we may get a child during the school year I will be meeting with the elementary school counselor this month to get ready for a school-aged child in our home. We are now back on track with the foster-adopt.

The Jamaican adoption, we just wait. We might get a match later this year or it might be next year. I did get to meet Mrs. Edie, CEO of the Child Development Agency in Jamaica. My god brother had a fundraiser for Embracing Orphans in Walla Walla and made arrangements for Mrs. Edie and one of her orphans to be speakers at the event. Samantha had the audience in tears telling the story of her abuse and her dreams for the future. I had the opportunity to talk with Mrs. Edie and let her know my husband and I were one of her prospective parents. She asked when our application was submitted and I stated October 2010. Who knows, maybe the meeting will move our case a little faster.

Only God knows from where our child will come and when. I have to take actions to feel proactive and to deal with my anxiety as we wait for a child. While April was frustrating, several milestones occurred in May and June is hopeful as we continue on our adoption journey.......

Anger to Actions

I have spent several evenings wallowing in despair and anger while our foster-adopt process stalls and we wait for the next step in the Jamaican adoption. Yesterday reminded me there are worse things in life. A friend's 20-year old sister was told her cancer has returned after being a 2-year survivor. There is no fairness in this wonderful young woman having to battle cancer again. She was just beginning to feel healthy, was working and she is in her last quarter of junior college. She has such dreams to pursue! This week she will find out what the plan of attack will be this time around.

It angers me greatly that this young woman has to fight for her life while drug runners are living off the lives of others. It angers me that we have been told by the state they really need foster parents, but our process is taking many more months than others who began the process with us. It angers me that orphan teens in Jamaica do not have a proper boundary around their facility to protect them from sexual predators.

While I cannot fix any of these problems, with God's help and motivation, I can make small differences. I can support my friend and her family while her sister fights cancer. I can support legislators who support cancer research. I can help other parents wanting to become foster parents and I can help children in the foster care system. I can support Embracing Orphans as they improve the lives of Jamaica's orphaned. I can support the concrete wall to be built at Windsor Girls' Home in Jamaica. Support is through advocation, prayer and financial giving. Through the anger and actions, the Lord provides me with patience to deal with the unfairness of life. At times the the actions overwhlem the anger, but other times the anger overwhelms the patience and actions. When the anger is overwhelming, my punching bag is quite useful.

If there is a situation that angers you, I ask you to take action to correct the situation in any small way.
If cancer angers you - raise funds for the cancer society Relay For Life, comfort a cancer patient and their family, volunteer in a cnacer ward.
If the foster care system angers you - become a foster parent, become a guardian ad litum, mentor and support a foster child, advocate for changes in the law and funding to get children out of foster care sooner.
If orphans in substandard living conditions or being preyed upon - support an organization like Embracing Orphans that support orphans, sponsor an orphan, volunteer in another country to help orphans, provide financial support for the wall around Windsor Girls' Home.

Embracing Orphans and Windsor's Girls' Home Wall: http://www.embracingorphans.org/index.html

Licensed Parenting

We finally got our letter from DSHS stating they have received our foster home license application and that they hope to have us licensed within 90 days. But - there could be a delay with the licensor's retirement as of April 20. No mention of how they plan to re-assign our case or contact information for someone once the licensor leaves the office. Luckily, I do have the phone number of his supervisor, but this leaves me hurt and frustrated.

The pain in my heart is overshadowing the sunshine we are experiencing amidst the winter like weather. I cannot focus on anything, but my desire to have a child. The foster care system still has many flaws. The focus of Washington State is to reunite children with their families which is ideal if those families can provide shelter, food, education and safety. There are many children in foster care who have been in state care for years, but parental rights are still not terminated while children wait for stability and a permanent home. It angers me to know there are thousands of children who need homes and we are a home needing children, but the hoops we have to jump through seem outrages while there are women out there still having children who have had them all removed from her custody.

Our lives have been exposed every aspect of our lives on paper - medical, financial, upbringing, personal, professional, educational, friendships, pets, home, spiritual - to prove we will be good parents. We still have to discuss all these aspects with the licensor and have our home inspected to make sure it complies with the foster home laws and will be a safe place for our child. Once we do all that, we then submit our paperwork to another state hoping they decide we are the ideal parents for a child legally free and waiting for a permanent home. It is during all this that I am in favor of all prospective parents (biological or adoptive) being required to attend parenting classes and receive a license prior to being allowed to have a child in the home. I know many biological parents oppose this idea, but those of us who have to go through this process in order to adopt, we would like to share the exposure.

Intellectually I understand the reasons for the scrutiny of adoptive parents, but when the heart aches for a child, intellect is overruled by emotions. My husband has found that logic is even overruled by my emotions. Getting angry at the delays of our home study are not logical as the home study will most likely be completed by the end of summer. At this time, I do not care about logic or intellect, we are dealing with matters of a mother's heart. I have a fully equipped child's room waiting for a child. I have toys, books, games, movies and music waiting for a child. I have arms aching for a child.

Frustrating Delays

Got a phone call I did not want to receive. Our contact at DSHS is retiring as of April 20 and the State does not know who will fill his spot. Our home study is delayed until the State decides if they will wait for the replacement to get up to speed or have a contract licensor do our home study. We will be lucky to start our home study in May. I was told we will only have one interview on the day of our inspection with the whole appointment lasting 3.5 hours. If any type of delay exists, it seems to happen to us. There are other foster parents who began the process with us in October, had their background checks processed in January and February and already have their licenses. So we wait nad have to be patient. I am doubting at this time we will have a child placed with us by the end of the year. Mother's Day will be difficult this year. Just hearing that strangers are pregnant upsets me. A dear friend begins fertility treatments this month. While I will be happy for her if she becomes pregnant, it will not be easy for me while I wait for my child. We have shared the tears and pain of infertility together and this is the year we hope to fulfill our dreams of becoming mothers. We continue to pray and wait. There will be more tears, more anger and more frustration to come, all with the hope that our dreams will come true.